My fingers dug harder into his thighs. I slapped my hips again, driving into him deeper and fucking out an agonized moan.
“Who’s gonna put that smile on your face when you’re not with me anymore?”
Even through the pleasure that had to be pulsing through him, as he scrabbled at the sheet and pushed harder against me, I saw the flash of hurt. Regret.
“Nobody,” he whispered. “You ruined me for anyone else.”
I wanted to cry, but I power-fucked him instead.
I was relentless. I was goddamn ruthless. And he loved every second.
With his elbows pressed into the bed for leverage, Noah rocked up to meet me every time I pulled out and rammed back into him. The smile returned once my sac was slapping against his ass with each pump, and when the sloppy sound of me plunging into him grew louder after I reapplied lube.
His arms gave out then. He fell back on the bed and stroked himself frantically while I took every ounce of my loss out on his ass.
“Yeah, hit it like that until I come,” he whispered. “Fuck, I can feel it.”
“Look at me.”
He wrenched his eyes open and gazed up at me as raw helplessness crossed his face, the expression of a man on the brink of releasing so hard he was going to lose all his senses.
“Oh shit.” His voice was getting louder and more uneven. His eyes teared. “Yeah, right there.”
I managed two more stuttered thrusts before shooting inside Noah. The force of it destroyed me and left me a shaking, moaning mess, but I kept moving until his swollen dick released all over his chest. He tried to keep eye contact the whole time, but the last spurt sent his eyes rolling back again and a wild cry tearing from his mouth.
His porn-star sounds prompted me to swipe up some of his come and feed it into his mouth. He licked my fingers clean and gave a contented sigh. I collapsed next to him, thinking I should stop there but was completely unable to stop myself from yanking him against me.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said once we were locked around each other in a sweaty, sloppy pile of limbs. “Jesus, I’m a wreck.”
“Same,” I said thickly. “But just for you.”
“Don’t say things like that right now. Unless you want to break me.”
I ran my hand up his back, tracing his spine and enjoying the little shiver that followed. “I don’t want to make this harder, but I think you should know something.”
Noah propped his chin onto my chest, the point digging in. “What?”
The words had been in my head for days. Since last Thursday, when we’d come to the realization that it wouldn’t work the way things were headed now, and we needed to cut the cord before we both fell too deep. I’d realized I’d already fallen too far to climb out without damage.
“Football isn’t the only thing that’s held me together. And it’s not the only thing I love.” Noah’s eyes went wide, but I kissed him before he could say anything. “Now leave before I tie you to my fucking bed.”
He released a shaky laugh and rolled away. Not fast enough to hide the damp sheen to his eyes or the way he’d bit the inside of his lip. I rolled onto my side, naked and cold but not covering up, and watched as he washed up quickly and dressed again. It didn’t take more than five minutes for him to finish packing, which sucked. I’d been hoping to draw it out. Watch him longer. Come up with a miracle that would result in me having a normal job and a normal life where I could have a relationship with the man who’d gotten past my bullshit and found a place in my heart.
When his backpack was hanging over one shoulder and his suitcase was shut, Noah looked at me again.
“Don’t fire Joe.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously, Gavin. He’s an asshole, but he cares about you. And he’s loyal to you. I don’t know if you’d find someone else like him. And . . . until you step up and start taking on your own finances and responsibilities, you need him.”
“I’ll take that under consideration.”
“I hope you do.”
He opened the door, paused long enough for a knot to work into my throat and my chest to constrict, and then walked out. I stared at that spot until the security system beeped, indicating that he’d armed the code and left the house.
The sense of loss hit me in the gut. It was staggering.
I told myself to get up. To work the grief and loneliness out of my system the way I’d done with anger in the past. Work him out of my system. But I didn’t.
Other than forcing myself to order something to eat, I stayed in my room for the next few weeks.