James was open and friendly, chatting proudly about his daughter, Charlotte. He showed Ed some photos on his phone of a smiling toddler with wispy curls, so Ed showed James a picture of his sisters that he’d taken last summer on the beach in Worthing.
The waiter came back to take orders for a second round of drinks, but Ed still had some left, so he declined. He noticed Alec had drunk his first glass of red rather quickly.
“So, are you young free and single, Ed? Or do you have a girl to get home to tonight?” James asked.
Ed glanced across at Alec. Maria was talking, but the lines of Alec’s body were tense, and Ed knew Alec had heard James’s question and was listening for Ed’s reply. “The only girl at home is my housemate, but we’re just friends.” Ed paused and then decided he wouldn’t get a better opportunity to mention his sexuality. “Actually, if I were dating someone, it would be a guy, not a girl, but there’s nobody at the moment. Probably for the best, I don’t have the energy for anything outside work right now.”
Ed registered James’s reaction—not surprise, exactly, but a quick mental shift of gears. He covered it well. “Yeah. This job doesn’t make a private life easy,” he agreed. “Emily’s always complaining she never sees enough of me.”
Ed chanced another look at Alec. He was smiling at something Maria had said. As Ed watched, Alec’s gaze flashed to Ed, and their eyes met for a second. Something there told Ed he was right. Alec had definitely overheard his conversation with James.
“Speaking of which,” James continued, “I’d better head home. It’s my turn to get up with Charlotte in the morning—she’s an early riser and I promised Emily a lie-in tomorrow.” He drained the last of his drink. “Night everyone, have a good weekend. Don’t spend too much of it working.”
Once James had gone, the others began to make their excuses and drift off. Soon it was only Alec, Ed, and Maria left. Ed was still nursing his first drink, but it was almost empty now. He needed the toilet, so made his excuses and left Alec and Maria together. When he returned, Maria had her coat on and was wrapping a scarf around her neck.
She smiled at Ed. “I’m sorry, I have to go and catch my bus. But you can stay and keep Alec company.” Alec still had half a glass of red wine in front of him. “Bye. I’ll see you both on Monday.”
Ed slid back into his seat, picking up his drink and swirling it so the ice cubes clinked against the glass. The liquid in it was mostly iced water now, but he sipped it anyway for something to do.
“Well, this is weird.” He raised his gaze to meet Alec’s in a challenge. Ed was tired of pretending. There was no need to keep up the polite facade now the others had gone.
“Is it?” Alec’s posture was relaxed, but Ed wondered whether it was genuine. He curled his long fingers around the stem of his wine glass and slid them up and down in a way that drew Ed’s eyes and inevitably sent his mind to dirty places. Alec lifted the glass and took a careful sip. “It didn’t take you long to come out at work, did it? Nicely done. And James is the sort to mention it, so word will get around. I assume that was your intention.”
“Yes. Quick and painless. The sooner it’s common knowledge, the better. James didn’t seem bothered.”
“Of course he wasn’t.” Alec’s voice was brusque. “People have more important things to worry about than who you like to fuck.”
Ed raised his eyebrows. “So, how come you’re in the closet, then?”
There was a flicker of anger on Alec’s face, and Ed wondered whether he’d gone too far. He looked at the ice cubes in his drink again. Their sharp corners had melted away into smoothness. If only the jagged edges of his relationship with Alec could be softened so easily.
Ed assumed he wasn’t going to get an answer, so he was surprised when Alec finally spoke.
“Years of habit.” Alec sounded weary rather than irritated. “I’ve been lying to people for a long time, by omission at the very least. Coming out in your first week at a new job is probably easy in comparison—not that I’d know—but it’s not something I could just drop casually into conversation now. It would be the equivalent of tossing a hand grenade into the room. I’d lose my integrity because people would know I’d deliberately deceived them.”
“How?”
“Ask anyone at the office, and they’ll tell you I have a girlfriend.”
Ed felt a lurch of nausea. He didn’t like to think Alec had cheated on someone with him, but he also hated imagining Alec with anyone else, which was ridiculous. “And do you?”