“Thank you,” I said shortly.
“You’re a very good man, Lars.”
If she hadn’t used my name, I would have thought Annie was talking to someone else. Pretty much every other person in the house today thought I was the worst.
“I don’t know about that,” I muttered.
“Cancer is a bitch, but it’s also taught me a lot. I know for sure we all make mistakes, and sometimes forgiving ourselves and moving on is our only choice if we want peace. I won’t bore you with a thousand life lessons, but that one is really important. You’re a good man and you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy, just remember that.”
“What makes you think I am a good man?”
Annie smiled. “Everything I’ve seen and heard about you, and also the fact that you’re wearing that hat.”
I’d forgotten Annalise’s feather hat had been perched on my head for the past couple of hours.
“Thank you, Annie,” I said, just as Sawyer leaned closer to say something to his wife.
I was even more miserable than before. My stomach churned, and I lowered my plate of pie to my lap, unable to finish it.
Annie was absolutely right—you didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy. It was true for me, and it was also true for Sheridan.
I’d made a terrible mistake.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sheridan
* * *
Getting back to my cold, empty apartment on Monday was a stark reminder of the wasteland my life had become. No light, no laughter, no anything. I’d done my best not to mope over the weekend, hanging out with Mom and a few of my cousins, but deep down I’d just wanted to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep.
The only good news, if you could call it that, was that the video of me and Hugh having sex had only been released on the company’s intranet, so it hadn’t gone completely public. Vanessa had it taken down within an hour of it going live, but knowing that everyone I worked with had undoubtedly seen me doing…those things…made me shudder with distaste. Bile rose in my throat and I took a moment to breathe.
When I was finally in control again, I started to unpack, throwing in a load of laundry and wondering if I should call Vanessa to tell her I was home. We usually talked every day, but I’d needed time with family and to be away from everything that represented my shit show of a life right now. I’d told her I would call her when I got back into the city, but I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Besides, she was at the office and everything about the office made me uncomfortable right now.
I’d placed an online order for groceries yesterday and it had just arrived, so I mindlessly put it all away. I was still reeling from everything that had happened. It had barely been a week, but I missed Lars so much it was physically painful. I missed the feeling of his strong arms around me, the way he palmed my ass whenever he had a chance, and more than anything, the quiet strength he exuded. Everything about Lars made me feel safe. Wanted. Loved.
How had I fucked up so badly?
My phone rang and I looked down, ready to send the call to voice mail, when I saw it was Barney.
“Ms. Lee, there’s a gentleman here to see you—Mr. Katzenburg.”
Lenny.
Great.
“Ask him if this can wait until tomorrow,” I said quietly.
“He says it’s urgent, Ms. Lee.”
“All right.” I got up and walked to the door warily, unlocking it as I waited for him to come up the elevator.
“Hi, Sheridan.” He stepped off the elevator and met my gaze directly. “I’m sorry to bother you at home but this is extremely urgent.”
“Come on in.” I motioned him inside and shut the door behind us. Lenny was the second person I’d hired after Vanessa. I’d met him at a business conference where he’d given a speech about the shortage of women in IT, how it was a male-dominated field but that as a part-time professor of computer science at one of the local universities, he hoped to change that. I’d liked his directness, his sense of humor, and his incredible knowledge about IT in the business world. I’d approached him a week later with an offer he hadn’t been able to refuse and that had been just about a year ago.
“How are you?” he asked as he settled in a chair in my living room.
“I’ve been better.” I cocked my head slightly. “What’s going on?”
“Vanessa asked me to look into how the video got onto our system, and to strengthen our system against another hack like that.”
“I’m sure Hugh hired someone to do it; he’s not tech savvy enough to have done it himself.”
The look in Lenny’s eyes when he met my gaze worried me.