“I’ve been way too busy with school,” I said, panicking a little as I scrambled for a way to get out of the conversational corner I’d backed myself into. I stood up, looking around the room at nothing at all. “Which I’ve been ignoring too much tonight. I need to go read a few chapters.”
“No problem. I’ll let you go read, then,” he said politely, leaning forward and turning off the TV. “As long as you promise not to be too much of a stranger from now on. I liked hanging out with you tonight.”
“Right. I can try. To be less of a stranger, that is,” I said. I grabbed at a few of the empty Chinese takeout boxes, stacking them and heading into the kitchen to shove them in the trash.
Why was my heart pounding so hard all of a sudden? Why was it so hard for me to even accept that Brody might be telling the truth—that he’d actually enjoyed hanging out with me, and wasn’t just pitying me?
I’d sworn this year would be different. That I’d stop caring what others thought. Be myself, unashamedly, and take risks in my senior year of college.
And so I was going to do it.
Instead of shoving loneliness into my little box, I tried to shove my fear into it.
I really could help Brody with something. And I knew if I offered to help tutor him in his history class, he would see just how capable he really was. Brody was clearly a bright, intelligent person, he just needed a little guidance in school.
And that was at least one thing I knew I could help with.
A surge of adrenaline ran through me as I approached my bedroom door. I turned to see Brody still standing in the living room, looking all around like he’d lost something.
“Brody, if… if you need help in American History, I can give you a hand,” I said. My heart was slamming like a drum. Just offering to help tutor Brody was about as scary as if I were bungee jumping over a ravine.
But the look in his eyes made it all worth it. Christ, he looked like I’d just told him he won the lottery.
I loved that I was able to put that look on his face. That I’d played some small part in making him happy or hopeful, even if just for a moment.
“I will take you up on that,” he said. “God knows I need the help.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to ignore the flurry it caused in my chest when he accepted. I knew it would be worth it. I knew I could give him a push in the right direction, to make him see how capable he could be.
Brody kept looking around the room, though. “Um, Logan, you didn’t happen to see my phone anywhere, did you?”
Relief was still flooding through me.
It hadn’t been a big deal at all. He didn’t think I was weird, stupid, or too eager to offer help. He wasn’t going to make fun of me for being a nerd. This wasn’t high school anymore, and I wasn’t going to be laughed at just because I cared about school.
In fact, Brody was a whole lot more focused on his own current problem—trying to find his cell phone. He was even opening up to check in the fridge for it.
I thought for a second, then snapped my fingers as I walked over to Brody’s open bedroom. He followed, and I pointed the phone out to him, lying there on the corner of his bed.
“Damn, you’re good,” he said.
“I do have a good memory,” I told him. “I saw it there when—”
My face went hot again.
“When you walked in on me covered in cum? Being a total fucking idiot, forgetting to close my door?” Brody kindly offered, with a smile. “Promise that won’t happen again. I mean, I’ll definitely come again. A lot. But always behind a safely closed door.”
And there it was again, floating through my head. The striking image of Brody with his sweatpants pushed halfway down, lost in a post-orgasm haze, his brown hair like a messy halo around his head.
Fuck, it had been hot.
“G’night, Brody,” I said, slipping off to my bedroom.
My room was chilly when I walked in. I’d left a window open earlier, and now the crisp night air was floating in.
Autumn was finally, truly here. I took a deep breath of the cool air by the window before reaching up and heaving it shut. I lay down, tossed a cozy blanket over my legs, and cracked open my laptop. It was time to work on one of my grad school applications. It was for Northwestern University, and I had two essays to write.
My dream PhD program, of course, was Harvard.
But I was way too intimidated to start that application just yet.