“You okay?” his sweet voice cut through the silence that had bloomed between the two of us. I realized I’d been lying there on his shoulder for who knew how many minutes, just staring over at the little glowing lights on my tiny Christmas tree, lost in a liquor-soaked haze of thought.
I cleared my throat, snapping out of it. “Yeah, just… thinking about Christmas trees,” I lied. “I wonder if anyone even knows where they came from. Why we even have them, other than just for pretty decoration. You know?”
“It all started in sixteenth-century Germany, actually,” Logan said softly. I could hear his voice through his chest. “During the Renaissance, with Protestants decorating trees during this time of year.”
I pulled in a long breath. “God, I feel so dumb, sometimes,” I said. “Of course you know the history of Christmas trees. The world is this huge mystery to me, something I’ve never been able to figure out, but you’ve got it all down pat.”
He let out a soft laugh. “I definitely don’t have it all down pat,” he said. “If you want the truth, I actually feel like the more I learn about the world, the less I really know.”
I leaned back a little, propping my head up on one hand so that I could look at Logan as he spoke. “What do you mean?”
He reached up, running a hand through his hair. “That’s kind of how all of history feels. We know a lot of things about the past, but we’ll never know how accurate most of it really is. History isn’t all just hard facts. A lot of it is guesswork. Inferences. Especially when you go really far back.”
“So a lot of it is still a mystery, even to you?”
“Most of it is still a mystery,” he said with a nod. “For sure.”
“God,” I said, sighing. “I’m starting to realize why you prefer spending your time reading in bed rather than going to parties. I’m having a million times more fun here with you now than I was back at the party.”
“Really?” Logan asked, his eyes going a little wide. “I actually thought the party was a ton of fun by the end of the night.”
“You liked it? I’m so glad to hear that,” I said. “Glad I wasn’t dragging you into shit you hate just because I selfishly like having you around me.”
“Well I’m glad you like having me in your bed and talking about stupid old facts about Christmas trees,” Logan said. “I thought I was being the selfish one.”
“You’re out of your fuckin’ mind if you think that,” I said, wrapping my arms around his torso and bringing him in close to me. “I’d have you in my bed every goddamn night if you’d let me. It feels so much better with you here.”
My words hung in the air for a moment after I said them.
I knew I was admitting too much. I knew I shouldn’t have been saying these things to him, when both of us were well aware that I didn’t do things like this.
Tonight was just an exception, right?
“Well, yeah, I have to imagine it’s always nicer with a warm body next to you in bed,” he said.
He was wrong. I usually didn’t like having another person spend the night. I liked my space and independence, and I liked knowing that I was never leading anybody on. Because I knew I didn’t want a relationship. Couldn’t have a relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.
But there was no denying that I loved having Logan, specifically, in bed with me.
“You just feel so good,” I murmured, leaning in toward him and catching his bottom lip between my teeth. I pulled on it, giving it a little suck before I released it.
I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, staring at me with big eyes. “I bet I’d feel even better if you were inside me.”
Fuck.
Every single time Logan said something like that, he caught me off guard.
My dick instantly went from half-chub to full-on rock hard hearing those words come out of his mouth.
“You think so?” I murmured, pulling him even closer up against my body and rutting my erection against his leg.
“I think I want to find out,” he uttered, reaching down and stroking my cock through the thin fabric of my boxer briefs.
My cock throbbed under his touch.
I groaned deeply, sucking in air as he leaned in, kissing me on the side of my jaw. “I’m not doing that unless you really want it, Logan,” I warned.
“Well, I want it,” he said, his voice so close to my ear. “I’ve wanted it for so long now. I thought about it all night at the party. I thought about it all week. Hell, I’ve probably been thinking about it somewhere deep down ever since I met you.”