“You’re fucking awesome,” Roman said, like it was the simplest fact in the world. “And you should be proud of who you are. The only reason the gossip sites are probably going nuts is because the topic of Brody Bryant has been so boring to them the past couple of months.”
“Boring?”
Roman nodded. “They’re used to Brody being a playboy and constantly having a bunch of one-night stands and hookups. But in the past couple of months, he hasn’t been doing it at all. The gossipers are just bored. They’ve had nothing to talk about.”
Curiosity piqued inside me. “Brody hasn’t been having any hookups?”
Roman puffed out a laugh. “None at all, from what I’ve heard from him. Logan, I’m telling you, he’s different. And he’s so much happier, to be honest.”
Do not get excited over nothing.
It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Just because he hasn’t been hooking up with anyone else doesn’t mean you’re special, Logan.
My mind was swimming with emotions and thoughts. But the moment I’d heard this piece of information, it shattered through all the rest of them.
Brody hadn’t been with anyone else since he’d met me. Considering his past reputation, that had to mean something, right? Miraculously, the idea of the idiotic gossip mill faded into the background.
“I do know that Brody is probably very worried about you, right now,” Roman said. “I meant it when I said he really, really fucking hates it if anything is said about anyone close to him, online.”
Close to him.
Could it be true, that I was “close” to Brody Bryant? It felt impossible, yet as I turned it over in my head, I realized that it had happened. Slowly, under my nose, when I hadn’t even known it was occurring.
The faintest flicker of hope glowed inside me. That maybe I wasn’t just someone Brody was having a little bit of fun with until his next hookup came around. Maybe it could be something more.
It was just a flicker. But that was more than I’d ever had before in my life.
“Shit, I don’t even know where Brody is,” I said. I reached in my pocket, realizing that I’d left my phone at home, and I had no way of contacting him or Dani or anybody else.
“Probably a good idea to find him.”
“Roman, thank you,” I said simply. “I also just realized that I left my phone at home, and if Brody wanted to contact me there’d be no way.”
“Of course,” he said. “I could tell something was up by the way your face looked when I saw you.”
“I’ve been keeping you from doing your reading.”
Roman shook his head. “I’m happy to help you.”
I’d come to the library wanting to hole up and hide out for as long as I possibly could. But now I realized that being alone—totally, completely alone—didn’t feel quite like the comfort zone it had once been. I didn’t want to be isolated in the aftermath of this morning.
I wanted to be with him.
And I wanted to let him know that I was strong enough to handle the gossip mill, even if deep inside, I didn’t quite know if it was true. I wanted to be strong for him. Because the last thing in the world I wanted was for Brody to be worrying about me.
I wanted Brody to be happy.
I didn’t want him to feel like he had to worry about me. Like he’d burdened me with the same stupid shit that had ruined one of his past relationships. And as I turned it over in my mind, I realized I’d been selfish all morning.
All I’d been thinking about was how it had felt for me, and I hadn’t even stopped to wonder how it might feel for him.
I wanted to be with him. Even if it had to be just as a good friend. And I’d never been so sure of anything before. As I plunged through the snow on the way back across campus, I wasn’t thinking about what random students walking by might be thinking of me. I was only thinking of Brody.
A group of students walked by, huddled up, and when they looked over at me, I smiled instead of putting my head down. And when another group passed me and I did the same thing, they actually smiled back.
I felt like chains were breaking free from me that had been there for a long time. Longer than I’d even known. For so long, I’d thought that I’d completely gotten over my awful high school experiences, but it turned out that I’d just been hiding away from them. For years. Until now, I had still worried what people thought of me. Constantly. I’d still spent my college years mostly alone, probably passing up friendships I could have had if I wasn’t so shy.
I’d been scared.
And I was still scared.