“I have a life here, a normal one. I can’t…” Oh, boy. Here came the emotions again. I stopped and glanced away for a second. “I can’t risk losing that, but I also can’t risk not being there for my room—friend.” I’d figure out later why I’d referred to Erica as only my friend, not my roommate. “This interview with you is a big deal to her.”
“No, I understand.” A small grin flitted across his face. “I got a lot of offers for interviews, but my team was selective of whom they’d choose. They don’t understand why I want to interview at this college. No one does.”
My chest was getting tight. “Why did you? Why are you, I mean?”
He lifted a shoulder and shifted to the side, so he was gazing out over the city. “I don’t know. I think maybe because this was where I wanted to go to college.” He glanced down, kicking at a small rock on the floor. His hands formed into fists before he shoved them into his pockets. “I think me coming here was a way to fool myself, like I could still have a normal life after everything.” He looked back to me. His eyes traced over me and fell to my lips, lingering there. “But even if there is a retrial, I’m starting to realize that some things have to be let go.”
I licked my lips and felt myself leaning toward him. He was still looking at my lips, and his eyes darkened when my tongue flicked out. It was dark, but he was close enough that I could see his eyes melding with the night color. My hands started to reach out. I was going to touch his sides, almost like I wanted to anchor him and go to him.
I caught myself, and my hands fell down to my sides. I had to pull my eyes away from him, but it ached. All I wanted to do was look back up at him, move closer to him, feel him, touch him.
But I did nothing.
I calmed my breathing, and I held still. The emotions would dissipate. They had to. This was nuts. Him and me? There was no way…
He’d said if there was a retrial…
I looked back up. “You mean, there might not be a retrial?”
His eyes flicked to mine. The corner of his mouth lifted again, and a smirk flared for a second. “I’m told they can retry me, then I’m told they can’t, and the latest is that the district attorney is just bluffing. They want to go after me for something else.”
“Can they do that?”
“Who knows?” A hard twinge sounded. “All I know is that my life is fucked up.”
And that was my fault.
Pulling away, I needed some space. I needed to think clearly again.
Swallowing over a lump in my throat, I asked, “You think you can make that work tomorrow? So, I can be there and not worry.”
I looked up and was caught by his eyes. He was staring down at me with a hard edge to him. I felt like a hand was inside my chest, squeezing the life out of me. My mouth was suddenly dry again, and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from saying something or licking it. Heat rose up in my body. I felt it spreading to my cheeks, and that lump in my throat doubled in size.
He blamed me…
Did he?
I was too scared to ask.
He broke first, his eyes darting away. “I’ll make it work. You shouldn’t have to worry about your life being upended because of my team. I’ll ask everyone to let me go in alone.”
“Will they be there? I mean, outside of the room? Are they still going to be hanging around you?”
“I’ll make my sister stay home. She’s the only one who could identify you. My lawyer and one of the publicists will be there, but you don’t have to worry about them. They’ve already preselected what questions will be asked, so they aren’t expecting any surprises. Your friend—is she the main reporter or one of the other ones?”
I laughed. Susan. “No. Uh, the main reporter hates me.”
His gaze sharpened. “She does?”
“I’m not quite sure why, but she does. Erica says it has something to do with Jake—”
He didn’t know Jake. Well, he did, but he didn’t know the circumstances. I didn’t know if I wanted him to know either.
“Jake,” Kian murmured. “That’s the guy I saw you with?”
“Uh…”
“He is.” A small grin tugged at his lips as he said quietly, “You don’t have to be scared of me knowing these things. You don’t have to be scared of me at all—ever. I’m just…I’m curious. Our lives are intertwined so much, but you’re almost a stranger to me. It feels wrong not to know certain things about you, like everyday things, when I know…other things.”