Kian
Page 64
And here we were.
I was the danger to her now.
I needed to decide what to do—or what not to do. If she stayed at my side, I wouldn’t be able to hold back from touching her. Then again, if I told her the truth about everything, that wouldn’t be a problem.
She’d want nothing to do with me.
Jake was concerned and Erica wanted to make sure everything was fine. Neither of them seemed suspicious, and Snark told me that I’d need to wear a shirt with my old name on it for people to put two and two together.
“Is everything okay?”
Kian appeared from some corner of the place. His phone was in his hand as he sat on the coffee table in front of me.
Fuck. I couldn’t look away from him. Those dark eyes of his could look right into me and know me. With everything about him, I wanted to be right where I was, with him. My mind was telling me to go. Discovery was not imminent—at least, not yet. I’d worked myself up. I’d panicked and bolted for him.
What was I doing?
My legs didn’t move. My arms didn’t move to push myself up from the couch. My feet weren’t going to walk me out of there. My ass stayed in place. I did not want to leave.
Oh, screw it.
I blurted out, “I’m attracted to you.”
His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned back. “Oh.” That was his reaction, that one word. That was it.
I held my breath. That’s it?
I blinked. “Um.” Backpedal. Retreat. Run. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” He shot forward, his hand held up, reaching between us. He looked at it. I looked at it, and it went back to his lap.
“Uh.” He shook his head, blinking a few times. The laughter started with one small chuckle. A second, and a third that was louder. He kept shaking his head before he looked up. He saw the non-laughter coming from me and sighed. “Sorry. I’m laughing at myself, not you. This is…” His hands clasped together on his lap. “I’m so controlled, and you’ve punched right through everything. There it is, and I’m here thinking how much I want to hold you, but I’m too scared to tell you.”
Wait.
He kept going, “Hearing those words, I’m…at a loss.”
Did he say…
“But this whole thing, with the media, it’s your life now that we’re looking at. My team will get me off. They’re going to argue that I should’ve never been convicted in the first place. It was self-defense—I mean, it was defense for you. That was proven. A dirty judge was the real reason I was convicted, and, yeah, maybe they’ll go the double-jeopardy route. I don’t know their angle, but I trust them. I won’t be convicted again, but, Jordan…”
He kept talking, but his voice became distant and low.
He wanted to hold me. That was what he just said. The warmth of those words began to spread through me. I had known it. I’d thought it, but to hear those words…and he was so close, but still sitting so far away.
He kept talking, something about his legal team’s agenda. His voice grew clear again, and he finished with a final resigned note, “I don’t want anything to happen that could hurt you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What?”
I blurted it out again, “I’m attracted to you.”
“I know.”
My eyebrows shot up. That’s it? “You just told me you wanted to hold me. I mean, doesn’t that mean something?”
He grew wary, and his lips moved into a straight line. His hands tightened on to each other, as if he were holding himself back.
I didn’t understand any of this. “I don’t care about the legal aspects. I don’t care about the ramifications—”
“But you should,” he said so softly as he cut me off. He leaned forward again. “This is your life, Jordan. Your. Life. Yes, I am attracted to you. Yes, I want to hold you. Yes, I want to kiss you. Yes, I want to pick you up and carry you into that bedroom.”
My eyes got big. Every word he had said was spoken with conviction. My fingers curved into the bottom cushion of the couch. I wanted to jump into his arms. I was holding myself back. There was a but coming after he had said those beautiful words, and the emotions were building in my throat. Another lump was forming there.
He leaned even closer across the small gap between us. His eyes were peering right into mine as he said in a fierce whisper, “I want to protect you. I want to take care of you…”
I closed my eyes. It was coming.
“But…”
There it was.
“We have to think long and hard before we do anything.”
I was holding my breath. I knew there was more coming.
There was silence.
I peeked a look at him. He was staring at me, studying every inch of my face, and his gaze dropped down to my lips. He lingered there.