I pull my head back to see him better. “What does that mean?”
“It bothers me because I want to kiss you, too.”
I hold his gaze for what feels like an endless stretch of time, so many competing thoughts swirling in my mind. I can’t say that I don’t feel a pull toward him, but rather than there being a straight line tugging us together, there’s a tangled mess of knots.
I might typically be more diplomatic, but this is Jay, and my tongue has been loosened by the drinks I’ve had tonight. “Are you just saying this because you’re feeling jealous?” I accuse.
He pauses long enough that I’m about to turn away in irritation, when he says, “I’m not jealous in a possessive way. I can’t be jealous of my friends, but I also can’t sit by quietly when all my old feelings have come rushing back.” When I start to pull away, he says, “Did you ever think, maybe it’s fate that’s brought us back together?”
My laugh is small and bitter. “If it were fate, I don’t think things would be so complicated.”
How would I feel, truly, if Jay had shown up here on Four Points on his own, and if I’d never met the Hayes brothers? I can’t deny that there’s still a strong attraction between us, and he seems like he’s grown and matured. We both have. Would I explore the possibility?
He steps closer and pulls me against him. “In my experience, good things don’t always come easy.”
Maybe it’s the alcohol, or curiosity, or wanting him to realize that there aren’t real feelings there, but when he leans down to kiss me, I let him.
His lips are hesitant at first, as if he’s uncertain that this is even happening. That’s how I feel, anyway. The taste of him floods me with memories, and this time, they’re all good ones. How safe and desired I used to feel in his arms. How he’d cheer me up during bad times, and how he made good times ever better.
His arms wrap around me and pull me closer as his mouth angles to find a deeper connection. A spark ignites low in my belly, and I kiss him back, sliding my tongue against his lip, in disbelief at how right it feels.
He strokes a thumb over my cheek as if tracing his own memories, as he holds my body tight to his.
Then the song changes, and I pull away, suddenly reminded of where I am, and how we're surrounded on all sides by residents of this small island, who love to keep track of everyone else’s business. Me kissing my ex-husband is not something I want to hear them talking about for weeks, but it’s probably too late to worry about that.
But I also pulled back because if I’d continued to kiss him, my legs would have gone weak.
Jay takes my hand, stroking it with his thumb. “Let’s find out if it was fate, Christine.”
26
Couldn’t wait
The crowd parts briefly, and I catch sight of the Hayes brothers. They’re talking to Lincoln, who’s holding a drink tray. None of them are looking this way.
If alcohol led me to kiss Jay, it’s also giving me the strength to be direct.
“I was coming to tell you that I’m going to spend the night with your friends,” I say softly, not exactly sure what my intentions are anymore. “I like them a lot, and I’m not going to choose between you.”
A fast song is playing now, and people are dancing around us, but we’re standing still. Jay doesn’t say anything for a long moment; he just holds my hand, looking at me. “I won’t ask you to choose,” he says, finally. “Be with me, too.”
“I thought you never shared women with them.”
“I never have,” he says, “but I will, if that’s what I need to do to be with you.”
He doesn’t look at my stunned expression for long. Instead, he steps in, pulls me into his arms, and kisses me again, hunger burning brightly right from the moment our mouths meet.
I haven’t gotten used to the new firmness of his body, and as I’m taking it in, I realize there’s a growing hardness pressing into my hip. Jay was always a good lover, even when he wasn’t a good husband.
Has he gotten even better over the years? What would it be like to be with him again?
“Come back to our place tonight,” Jay says, his lips brushing against my ear. He gives the lobe a little tug with his lips — he remembers what I like — and crazy desire streams through every part of me.
“Your friends …” I say. “I don’t know what they …”
“I’ll talk to them,” Jay says, understanding, even though I’m unable to articulate my thoughts.
The rest of my birthday party passes in a blur. I still don’t leave right away, and instead end up dancing with Jay again, and with all three of the Hayes brothers, and enjoying it so much that I don’t care that heaps of gossip will be spread about me tomorrow.