Four Good

“No offense,” I tell Jay between bites, “but I still can’t believe you made this.”

“People grow and change,” he says, laughing.

As we eat, the five of us talk about plans for the day, the island, and other light topics. It’s odd how easy and natural it all seems. I’d have never thought things could be like this after sleeping with my ex and his friends — no jealousy, no anger, no hurt feelings.

I guess as long as it’s just sex, with no other expectations, then there shouldn’t be any problems. If I can keep my emotions separate, everything should be fine.

There are a lot of memories and old feelings that keep trying to crowd in, though. I still haven’t had much of an opportunity to process everything. Can I sleep with Jay after all these years and then just say goodbye to him, like it never happened? I mean, of course I can, because that’s what’s going to happen in a few days, but is it going to hurt?

Being able to be friendly with each other and have good sex doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be together. The idea that any of this means anything is ridiculous, so why am I even worrying about it? There must be something hardwired into women’s bodies that causes us to crave a relationship with sexual partners, even when child-bearing is off the table. It’s an especially strange instinct since I’m well past the peak of my reproductive years.

“We’ll have to be back before four today,” Brendan is saying. “We have a video call with a client who’s planning a trip for the fall.”

“That’s perfect,” I say, pushing aside my concerns. “I need to get home later today.”

“Do you have to work tonight?” Brendan asks.

I shake my head. “No, I’m off for the next two days.”

“Excellent,” Brendan says.

“Will you stay here again tonight?” Corbin asks in a hopeful tone.

It doesn’t require much thought. Why would I pass up so much pleasure over the possibility of a few sad feelings when they leave?

30

It’s been a long time

After a long and satisfying detour back into the bedroom, we finally make it to the nature center around midday. I show the men around the visitor center and down to the dock that stretches out onto the waterway, but when they prepare to set out on a hike, I tell them I’m going to stay behind.

Sex isn’t usually so tiring, but then again, I’ve never had so many men in one day. I’m probably still recovering from yesterday, too.

“I’ll stay with you,” Jonathan says, just as Brendan says, “We don’t have to go.”

“No, I insist. It’s a beautiful trail, and there’s no reason for any of you to miss it on my account. I’m just going to relax under the pavilion.”

After a little more back and forth, I finally convince them to set off without me, and I get some time to recharge. I find a spot where I can sit and also lean back against a beam for support, and it’s in this position, lazily watching boats pass by, that I almost drift off a few times.

It seems like no time at all before the men return and it’s time to leave. They tell me about their hike as we walk back to the parking lot. I’d driven separately so that I could go directly to my house.

“Could I come with you?” Jay asks.

I hesitate for a moment, wondering if I should keep more of a barrier between my ex and my personal life, but in the end, I can’t see any harm in letting him see my home.

We say goodbye to the Hayes brothers, with plans to see them back at the beach house in a couple of hours.

It’s strange having Jay in the passenger seat of my car. When we were together, he always did the driving.

“I can see why you moved here,” he says, when we’re back on the main road. “It’s a beautiful place.”

“It’s a great place to live. Very peaceful, at least for eight or nine months of the year. Not so much in the summer, but the extra tips at Rusty’s make up for the crowds.”

“It’s so different from where I live,” Jay says, “but I get to escape Boston a lot for my work.”

“If you like escaping, why do you live there?” I ask.

“I used to like it,” he says, turning his head to check out the island’s eye-catching miniature golf course as I drive by. “It was exciting when I was younger. I guess I’m over it now.” He points back at the golf course. “That place looks like fun. Remember when we used to play putt putt?”