Prologue
BLUE
“I can’t believe she did this…”
“I’m sorry, Meadow.”
My voice is gruff, but damn it, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to deal with any of this. After seeing her two days ago, the last thing I want to do is see her again. I’d be happy to never see her again.
No, that’s not right. I won’t ever be happy. I’ve known that for a long time. I’ve known that since the day Meadow walked away from me. Seeing her now, after all these years, reiterates that the burn—that fucking ache—she causes, hasn’t gone away.
It’s still there, seething inside of me.
It hurts as if it all just happened yesterday. Meadow was it for me. She was the one. I knew it when I was nineteen and standing in front of her. Now, pale and visibly upset, she’s standing in front of me, with mascara-stained tears running down her face… and I still know it.
The hardest thing for me to realize is that even though she’s the one for me—I will never be the one for her.
“I’ll pay to have your car fixed,” I mumble, a sour feeling in my stomach. Meadow shouldn’t be driving this piece of shit car. She has a little boy. She needs something safer—not a fifteen-year-old Toyota Tercel with more rust than color on its frame that definitely needs better tires.
“I… She did this just because you changed my tire?” she asks me again, like she can’t wrap her mind around it. Probably because she can’t. Meadow was always quiet and shy. She’s nothing like that bitch that Black has tangled himself up with.
“Yeah,” I tell her, giving her the truth, but not really. Linda thought I was Black when she saw me changing Meadow’s tire beside the road. She waited down the road, followed Meadow home, and completely trashed her car. When Black called me after Linda confessed to him what she did, I fucking lost it. I ordered him to keep that cunt away from Meadow, and I hauled ass down here.
The fact that I’m standing in front of a slum apartment—an apartment Meadow shares with her husband—does nothing to help my mood. I’m not about to explain I’m not tied to Linda. It wouldn’t matter anyway.
Meadow will never be mine. It’s time I move on. I’ve been celibate for six fucking years because she was the woman in my heart. That has to change.
“Clark will have a cow,” she whispers, and you’d be a dumbass not to see the way her face pales at the mention of her husband’s name.
“I can call him and explain—”
“No. No, I don’t think Clark would… he wouldn’t talk to you, Blue.”
“Doe—”
“Don’t call me that, Blue. Please. Don’t ever call me that again. I’ll make sure to send you the estimate to get my car fixed,” she whispers. She turns around, walks inside, and closes the door.
Leaving me. Walking away from me. Again.
“We need to talk,” Meadow announces when I open the door. Seeing her again is a kick to the gut. It’s been two weeks since I last saw her. One week since I got her estimate in the mail. I was hoping I wouldn’t see her again, but I definitely knew it was a possibility.
“No, we don’t,” I tell her, rubbing the side of my face.
“I can’t accept the van, Blue. It wouldn’t be right.”
“I can’t pour three grand into a piece of crap that belongs in a scrap heap. This was the only other option.”
“But… it’s a van,” she argues. My eyes narrow as I look at her. Before I can stop myself, I reach out to touch the side of her face. Just along her eyebrow, next to her hairline, there’s a jagged-looking cut.
“What happened?” I growl.
She steps back away from me, her hand reaching up to shield the wound.
“I ran into the door, running to get Adam,” she says, refusing to look me in the face.
She’s lying. I know she is.
“I don’t remember you being so clumsy, Meadow.”
“I can’t take the van, Blue,” she says, holding out the keys to me.
“You can.”
“I… it wouldn’t be right,” she says, pulling her lower lip inward and biting it.
Fuck.
I shouldn’t find that sexy. I shouldn’t want a woman who is married to another man. I shouldn’t want her period. Not now. Not ever again.
“Christ, Doe,” I growl, the pet name for her slipping out without thought. “It’s not a new van. It’s used. I’m the reason your car was ruined, and the van is already paid for. Take the fucking thing and leave me alone.”
She jumps back, her eyes going wide, and…Christ. I think she’s scared of me.
“I… You… We…”
“Just take the van. It’s in your name. You don’t want it, then sell the fucking thing, and fix your damn car with the money. I don’t give a shit at this point.”