“I don’t want you,” she says quickly. If I wasn’t hard as a rock, pissed, and frustrated as hell, I’d laugh. The problem is, I am all those things, and Meadow is the reason for every one of them.
Every. Single. One.
“You’re lying. I might have been a boy when we were together before, Doe, but I’m definitely not now.”
“What are you talking about? Oh my God! Blue, zip up your pants!” she cries, and there’s definite panic in her voice now. Hell, it’s thick with it.
“You want this, Doe. You want me.”
I take my cock out, holding it firmly in my grip. I’m damn glad I didn’t bother wearing briefs today. I hate those damn things. My cock is heavy in my hand, hot and so hungry to get inside of her, it’s pulsating.
“Blue,” she whispers. Her eyes are watching me stroke myself. Pre-cum leaks onto the head, as my hand jacks my shaft. I watch as a large, white strand slides down over my fingers. I squeeze my cock tight, trying to stop the cum. Fuck, I have to. Another minute of this and I’ll blow. Using my hand and looking at the woman who has fucking haunted me feels better than anything I can remember in way too fucking long.
“Tell me to stop, Doe. Tell me you don’t want me inside of you. If you can tell me that and mean it, I’ll walk away.”
“Blue we can’t—”
“But if you send me away this time, Doe, it ends here.”
“There’s nothing to end,” she whispers, pulling her gaze away from my cock to look at my face.
“If you truly believe that, baby, you’re fucking crazy.”
Jesus.
It should be against the law for a woman to be this beautiful. I can’t even count the nights she’s haunted my memory. Her thick, brown, curly hair is light with a tint of red mixed in. The curls are like ocean waves that continuously roll all the way to the ends. It’s so long that it brushes gently against the small of her back. The freckles painting her body with loving care used to drive me fucking insane. There were days I did nothing other than kiss every single one of those damn freckles. I’m not sure I ever accomplished it either. I’d always get distracted with the rest of her body.
“Blue—”
“Don’t you miss it, Doe? Miss the way it used to feel between us? Miss the way my cock would tunnel in and out of you. Hell, you used to squeeze me so tight I thought you’d break my cock off inside of you. You were so hungry for it, every single time.”
“It’s been twelve years,” she whispers. She needn’t tell me. I know how long it has been. I’ve missed her every one of those fucking years. At times I almost hated her for the wreck she left inside of me.
“You don’t want me inside of you, that’s fine. Walk out of here now.”
“Blue—”
“You have two choices, Doe. Walk away… or turn around, put your hands on that table, spread your legs apart, and ask me to fuck you.”
I wait to see which she chooses. I figure I know.
She will walk away—just like last time. There’s too much between us and even though the blame lies on my shoulders like a ton of bricks, she cut out my heart. She made a decision that ruined both of us. I know because I see my pain reflected in her eyes.
I see her shoulders slump. My grip tightens on my cock so much that it’s painful. I’ll zip my damn pants up and go lose myself in a bottle. Maybe I’ll find a warm, willing woman. One thing about it, when I walk away from Doe this time, it’s over. I’m done.
Completely fucking done.
I think my heart stops when she turns around, slaps her hands on the table, and looks over her shoulder at me, her face set.
“Fuck me, Blue.”
Chapter 3
Meadow
I’m such an idiot.
Such a fucking idiot.
I should have run out of here, and never looked back. Instead, I’m begging the one man that holds the power to completely destroy me to fuck me. It makes zero sense, and I know that as soon as it’s over, I’ll regret it.
Even knowing that… I still do it.
I’ve made choices before that I’ve regretted. A couple of them almost destroyed me. I survived and I will this time. too.
I know this Blue isn’t the Blue from my youth. I know our coming together won’t be the soft lovemaking we used to have. I’m glad. I don’t need those memories renewing themselves in my brain. They’ve haunted me for too long as it is.
“Are you drunk?” he asks from behind me. My body jerks as I turn to look at him.
“What?”
“I don’t want you to use being drunk as an excuse. This is happening because we both want it.”