He stops and looks at me, frowning. I look at the lines that indent around his forehead and his eyes. They get more pronounced when he’s laughing or when he’s upset. He’s not laughing now at all. In fact, I think I pissed him off.
This is it. This is the moment the old Blue shows up. The one who has been barely talking to me, looking at me with hate, and otherwise ignoring me ever since I came back to Mason.
Only it’s not.
“Baby, I think you’re the one living in the past and old memories. We’ve both changed. I hurt you when you came back to Mason. Hell, I hurt you before that. I held onto anger, and you got the brunt of that. I twisted everything in my heart trying to make you the bad guy. I can assure you that it is me I hated. I let you go because I was stupid.”
“We both know that wasn’t it, Blue.”
“What?”
“The reason you broke up with me. We both know why you did it.”
“We were young. I wanted to be sure—”
“Be sure it was me you wanted in your bed and not Diana Jenkinson, you mean?”
He couldn’t be more surprised if I had slapped him on the face. I can see his shock easily.
“What are you talking about?”
I sigh. “Let’s not get into it, Blue. It happened ages ago. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you did, and I’d like to know exactly what you mean,” he insists. If this is what is standing between us, then we are damn well going to clear the air now.
“What else is there to say? I think her name about covers it all. Still, I can spell it out if you want. Diana Jenkinson, most popular girl in Mason High, head cheerleader. All the boys wanted to have her, and all the girls wanted to be her. I can describe her if you want.”
“I know who she is, Doe. I just don’t understand why you think she is the reason we decided to take a break.”
“First of all, Blue Lucas, we didn’t decide to take a break. You did. I stupidly thought we were solid.”
“We were fighting, Doe. You can’t deny that.”
“All couples fight! Geez, we disagreed on what to do on a Saturday night. I never thought you would walk away over it.”
“That wasn’t the reason. That was just a sign of bigger issues.”
“We had bigger issues?” I blink.
“You were ready to settle down, say I do, have kids—all of it.”
“You said you were too,” I point out.
He drops his head down. When he looks back up, it could be my imagination, but I think I see regret on his face.
“I lied, baby. I just kept thinking I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know anything about being a husband.”
That admission shouldn’t hurt—not after all this time and so much water under the bridge.
But it does.
“I’m thinking this was an even bigger bad idea than I imagined,” I whisper. “I’m going to go use the restroom, and when I get back, I’d appreciate if you would take me back home. If you don’t want to, I can always call a friend.” I slide off the stool, my legs feeling shaky.
I didn’t realize Blue could move so quickly, but he’s around the front of the island and has his hand around my wrist before I’ve taken more than a couple of steps.
“Don’t, Doe. I know that I don’t have any right to ask, baby, but I’m begging. Don’t run from me. Don’t run from this. Let’s get this out in the open. If this is what put the distance between us, let’s get rid of it.”
“You put the distance between us, Blue, and when I finally moved on, I somehow became the bad guy.”
“Doe—”
“And that, is the truth that you keep asking for. That’s exactly why I don’t trust this, and I don’t trust this change of heart you’re having. What’s to say we start this, and you won’t get that trapped feeling again?”
“Honey, I was a kid. You were a kid. I’m not the same as I was back then.”
“And yet, how am I supposed to believe that? How am I supposed to take a chance on you? Especially since there is a chance that you’re only doing all of this because I’m pregnant in the first place. I mean, you’ve never been married and you’re getting older. Maybe the truth is, you still don’t want to settle down.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand, presses it against his heart, flattening it out so my palm is pressed tight against him. He doesn’t let go even when I try to pull away.
“You believe because I’m here. You believe because I have mourned the loss of you most of my fucking life. You believe because when we’re together we burn hot enough to melt the damn world. That doesn’t just happen, Doe. That’s special. You’re special. I might have been a fucking idiot all those years ago, but you better believe I know better now and I’m not giving you up.”