Cowboy Up (Lucas Brothers)

“What the fuck, Jansen,” he growls, grabbing a towel from the air that I throw toward him. He dries his face while scowling at me. “What the hell are you trying to do? Drown me?”

“Would it grow back whatever brain cells you’ve poisoned with alcohol?”

“Funny. I called and told you guys to leave me alone for a while,” Blue snaps.

“Which is a sure-fire way to make sure your mother worries herself sick. What the hell is wrong with you, Blue? You don’t pull this shit. Have you even fed your livestock?”

He rubs the side of his neck and avoids my eyes. “I paid the delivery kid at Feed and Hardware to do it.”

“Jesus. What about those two mutts you adopted?”

“They’ve been eating. Seymour likes Chinese. Hell if I can figure out why, but if you drown those noodles with whiskey, they aren’t horrible.”

I guess that explains why he’s eating food he hates.

“What are you doing, Blue? I raised you better than this.”

“Cut me some slack, Jansen. I’ve just had my heart ripped out. I’m allowed to grieve.”

“Bullshit you are. Meadow is still showing up at work, still taking care of herself, so her child—your child—is safe and healthy. She’s still making sure her mom and Adam are okay. You don’t see her lying drunk like some overgrown child.”

“I’m so sorry I’m not doing what you think I should. Maybe Meadow’s handling it better than me because she’s the one that kicked me to the curb.”

“Blue—”

“Unless you have some miracle in your pocket and a way for me to convince Meadow to give me a chance, we don’t have anything to talk about.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” I respond, looking directly at him. “But if you find a way, you will need a miracle.”

I can see the surprise and sadness on Blue’s face with my words. He’s doing his best to hide it. I see it because I’ve felt it, I suppose.

“Hell, even you think it’s hopeless to even try.”

“Blue, I love you, son. You know that, but I’m going to tell you something right now and I want you to listen.”

“If I do, will you leave?”

“If you get your act together, boy, then sure.”

“I’m not a boy.”

I laugh because he sounds like a baby, but I don’t point that out. “What happens with you and Meadow isn’t what matters most right now.”

“Bullshit—”

“Blue, you’re a father now. Adam may not be yours by blood, but that boy loves you, and he’s depending on you.”

I see the minute my words penetrate the fog of alcohol still soaking his brains.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

“Now you’re getting it.”

“What if Doe won’t let me spend time with him?”

“Blue, does that sound like something Meadow would do?” I grumble, shaking my head.

“No,” he admits.

“Listen, I know you love Meadow. I warned you years ago you were going to fuck up, son.”

“I know. You were right.”

“Yeah, I was.”

“Spare me the I told you so’s, old man. Trust me I’m already kicking myself.”

“Shut up and listen to me or I’m going to show you I can still take you out to the woodshed,” I warn. He grins, but he stops talking.

“I have no idea if you’re going to be able to get her back. If you do, you’ll have to work for it. Right now, you have to get your head out of your ass and concentrate on Adam and that baby that Meadow is carrying. It’s up to you to man up and show those kids that you’re in this for the long haul. Your fuck-ups are not their fault. You need to show them that.”

“You sure don’t pull any punches,” Blue breathes.

“I only deal in the truth, son.”

“I don’t know if I can go on without her, Jan. It was bad before, but we were so close to getting it back. She’s carrying my baby…”

His voice cracks. Silent tears run down his face and it’s not the alcohol messing with him now. It’s pure pain. Sadly, that’s something else I remember. I never wanted Blue to feel it. I move to him and squat down, so we’re more eye to eye.

“You’re a good man, Blue. If you have the slightest chance of getting Meadow back it’s by showing her that you’re a man—a man who is going to be a good father.”

“I’m not sure I’m going to be a good father, Jansen. I’m even a little scared. I’ve done nothing but fuck up with Doe. Shit, I’ve treated her like crap since the moment she stepped foot back in Mason.”

“Blue, I love all you kids, you know that. I’m thankful that you all were part of the gift God gave me in your mother. Still, out of all of you guys, I have the most faith in you.”

“What the hell for?” Blue laughs.

I grin. “Because, son, you remind me of myself—you know, except I have more sense.”