“Blue—”
“Or maybe even every other weekend,” I suggest, not wanting to hear her tell me no. “I realize I don’t have a right to ask, but I promise if you let me, I will have him check in often and—”
“Blue, stop. You can see Adam anytime you want. I trust you.”
I frown. Isn’t this whole thing about her not trusting me anymore? “Okay. You let me know when there is a good day and I’ll pick him up after school.”
“Anytime you want,” she says again. “How have you been?”
I let out a frustrated breath, thrusting my hand in my hair and trying to figure out how to even answer her. “I don’t think you want to know the answer to that, Doe.”
“I think I do. I need to know if you’re feeling like I am.”
“That’s doubtful.” I turn and look at her. I don’t even bother to hide the pain of knowing she’s never going to be mine. I let her see how miserable I am.
What have I got to lose?
“Blue, I—”
“I know I deserve all of this, sweetheart. I know how much I’ve hurt you, but fuck, I can’t even breathe right now without feeling the pain.”
“Please stop. We don’t need to go over this—”
“I think we do. I’m so fucking sorry, Doe. I know all of this lies at my feet. Hell, I knew that even while I blamed you. You’ll never know how much I wish I could go back. But I can’t and it kills me. I don’t know how to fix any of this. Believe it or not, I wish I could. You asked me a question. How am I doing? I feel like I’m dying without you. I miss you.”
“I feel the same.”
“No, Doe. I miss you so much that it’s killing me.”
“Blue, look at me.”
Until she says that, I didn’t even realize I was holding my head down.
“I was over emotional. I was afraid. I still am, but…”
“But?” I ask, barely able to breathe as hope starts to build inside of me.
“We both made stupid decisions, but we were kids. We’re not anymore. The truth is, I’ve loved you longer than I can remember. I don’t want to lose you again. I can’t live without you, Blue. Everything is different now. This is it. I don’t want to look back any longer.”
“What are you saying, Doe?”
“It’s time to put the past behind us. I want to build a future with you.”
“Are you sure? If we do this, we can’t go back, Doe. I can’t let you go again.”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous or even worried. I am.”
“Doe—”
She walks into my arms and presses her fingers against my lips.
“All I know is that you’re only man I’ve ever truly loved. I can’t turn my back on that.”
I wrap my hands in her hair and as we look at one another, it feels like we let go of the past completely. I touch the side of her face gently, unable to believe that this is real. I’d given up hope. Then again, Meadow is my hope. She always has been.
“I love you, Doe.”
“I know,” she says, tears shining in her eyes.
I bend my head down to touch against hers. “My girl,” I breathe—using words I haven’t said since we were teens. She gives me a wobbly smile, unshed tears in her eyes.
“Always.”
I kiss her then, knowing that this time we will have the life we always should have.
I’m going to make sure of it.
Chapter 48
Meadow
One Month Later
* * *
“What’s that smile about, honey?”
I look up at Blue and smile. “I was just thinking that I’m not sure heaven could get much better than this.”
He beams down at me, kissing my forehead and makes sure I’m nestled back against him. We’re at his parents’ house, snuggling on the front porch swing. All around the front yard is his family. There’s an impromptu baseball game going on.
Green is coaching one team and Kage the other. It’s basically girls against boys. Green thinks he has it sewn up. He has Jansen, Cyan, Gray, White, Luka, Bryant, Titan and his friend Slater.
Black and Addie didn’t come because Addie is nearing the end of her pregnancy. I think that’s why Blue is sitting out, to be honest. I told him to join them, but he said he was good where he was. I don’t mind because I get his arms around me. Mom is in her chair beside Kage, helping with strategy. She used to play softball when she was young, and it’s fun to see her excitement.
Adam and the rest of the kids are out in the yard cheering the adults. All except Alan who is apparently on a date. I get the feeling Green is less than happy about that.
I personally have money on the girls’ team. With Ida Sue, CC, Kayla, Petal, Maggie, Faith and Mary, I think they can pretty much hold their own. Although, they could all be in trouble because Ida Sue is being an umpire instead of playing. She’s closest to us, watching the home plate. Hamburger is with her, wearing protective padding over his body and a pink catcher’s mask to match Ida Sue’s.