Tomorrow evening, I would no longer belong to myself.
My stomach dropped with the notion, with the certainty of what I’d have to do before that. Break the bond between me and Hawke. Reject him, because I knew he’d never reject me when the mating mark could get me out of this marriage. Bile crept up my throat as I climbed the spiral staircase, my heart already breaking as the seconds ticked by like a clock counting down to my death. Because that’s what it felt like. A death sentence—any life without Hawke as mine would be as much.
I reached the doorway at the top of the stairs and paused, listening for any whisper of a presence beyond this door. When I was certain there was nothing, I slowly, gently opened the door, slipped out of it, and closed it softly behind me.
“Sneaky little vampire,” Hawke whispered from right behind me, and I jolted at his ghost-like presence. How had I not felt him before? Had I been that lost in my own mind?
Yes. Yes I had. Because tonight was the last night of freedom I had left.
I continued walking, knowing he’d follow. I couldn’t go back to my rooms, they were too known a spot, but I’d explored this estate enough to know where the least populated areas were. And with what I needed right now? Privacy was at the top of the list.
“What are you up to?” Hawke whispered only loud enough for me to hear as he followed me—despite being invisible—throughout the estate, making every twist and turn until we were well away from any prying ears.
I opened the door to what was used as dry food storage. All the provisions one would need if trapped in the estate for any length of time without access to the outside world. A food bunker of sorts, one even we had at our residence. But no one, not even the servants or the cooks—and especially not Samuel—ventured down here regularly.
Hawke shut the door behind us, locking it as I blinked into sight. He took one look at my face and I crumbled.
“Oh, Avi,” he said, reaching for me at the same time I reached for him. “What did you hear? I’ll kill them. Ruin them. Whoever it is, whatever they said to scare you, they’re dead.”
I clung to him, inhaling his tobacco and leather scent, doing my best to memorize it. I’d need to remember his smell, remember the way it felt to be held by him, fucked by him, loved by him, if I was ever going to survive the marriage I’d agreed to.
He shifted me out of his embrace, cupping my cheeks with his hands, his blue-green eyes boring into mine. “Tell. Me.”
I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes against the waterfall of tears I could feel building behind my eyes. I would not, under any circumstances, spend my last night with Hawke crying.
“Nothing,” I said, opening my eyes again, the breath in my lungs strong as I got a fucking grip. “No one scared me.”
He narrowed his gaze. “I can sense your fear, Avi. Not just because of our bond—”
“I know,” I said, not bothering to lie to him. “I am scared, but not of any of them.”
“Tell me,” he said again, his voice ragged. He tangled his fingers in my hair, tipping my head back to meet his gaze. “Talk to me.”
“I’m scared of what it’s going to be like,” I admitted on a breath. “Without you.” The words sent a sharp slice of pain spearing through my heart, but I managed to not buckle under it.
“You say the word, Avi, and we’ll show everyone this mark together. We’ll end this and find a way out of the war—”
“There is no way,” I said. “You know that. I know that. We’ve been over it so many times I’m exhausted from it.”
Because of course I wanted to back out. I wanted to tell Samuel I couldn’t possibly do what we were about to do because not only was I in love with Hawke, I was his mate. But doing so would damn our family. Would put Hawke in a direct line of fire. I couldn’t risk his life no more than I could risk my family’s.
His hands dropped from my face and he took a step away from me, as if he could sense my need to breathe, to pace and rage and rant.
I paced the small length of the pantry, my mind whirling, my heart aching. “I will not condemn you to death, to exile, just because I want…” I cut myself off, not wanting him to hear me voice the words. Hawke’s instincts would be to give me what I want most, and all I wanted was him.
“Tell me what to do to help you, Avi. I’ll do it. Whatever it is—”