Though I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy Carter’s life. He seemed so content now, none of the old demons bothering him the way they used to. I hoped to have that for myself someday, and for Everett too. Until we did, we had each other to depend on, and that was enough.
Still, in the back of my mind, I knew there was more to what I wanted out of life than what I had. Especially when it came to a family. Clearly, I would need to meet the right person, but there was always the nagging hope that one day I would be a dad. My own father wasn’t really in the picture, and it was by his own choice. I knew his name, but that was all, and I never talked to him or spent time with him.
It was for the better, apparently. Mom said he wasn’t the type of man she wanted in her life. He had turned cold and mean during their relationship, and he up and left when she was seven months pregnant. Since my grandparents were wealthy, it never meant much in terms of caring for me, but after my grandfather passed when I was seven, I missed having that male figure in my life.
There were plenty of people who wanted to mentor me, shape me, and mold me, but they only wanted to raise me to be a spitting image of my family name. To be a yacht club member in golf shorts. And I had no interest in that.
But I did have interest in raising my own child. Boy or girl, that didn’t matter to me. I just wanted someone to look up to me as their father and for me to have that opportunity to love someone so fully that they completed me. To show them the way the world should work and help them learn how to make it so. I kept it inside, hidden in my heart. A secret hope that one day I could be the father that I never had.
In the meantime, I was going to be the best honorary uncle I could possibly be. Carter’s little one, Carson, was going to be the recipient of some fishing poles as soon as he could hold them upright. I was going to have a lot of fun hanging out with Carson and be the kind of influence I’d always missed having in my childhood.
As for me, it probably wasn’t in the cards. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own, not with the things I had seen and the way I still struggled to deal with it. I needed a partner. And I wouldn’t settle. I needed someone who would be the perfect counterbalance to me, the woman who made my heart thud in my chest and the hair on the back of my neck stand up anytime she walked in a room. There had been precious few who had even remotely come close.
4
REBECCA
My shift had finally come to an end, and I finished my side work as quickly as possible. I tried to do as many of the tasks as I could during the last parts of the shift so that I didn’t have to linger at the diner for long after I was technically finished.
As I walked up to the computer to clock out, I noticed the door open, and Lauren and Desiree come in. They were laughing about something and didn’t notice I was standing there until I said Lauren’s name. She looked up and grinned.
“Rebecca!” she said. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” She pulled me into a tight hug, and I squeezed her in return. “How are things around here?”
“Good. It was one of those days.”
I knew she would know exactly what I was talking about. Lauren chuckled and gave a sympathetic nod.
“I remember those. And I have to admit, I don’t miss them,” she said.
“I just clocked out, but do you guys want a table? Jake is still here. He can take care of you,” I said.
“No, we’re not staying. We’re actually here picking up food for the bonfire tonight.”
“Oh.” I tried not to look like it bothered me that they had another one of the parties planned and I didn’t know about it. “I’ll go check in the kitchen and see if it’s ready for you.”
I went back into the kitchen, wishing I had known about the bonfire and that they had invited me. I was the newest member of the larger friend group, but they’d included me in a few outings just with the girls and a couple of the cookouts and bonfires at the couples’ cabins. I always had a great time with them.
But I could understand why they might not want the extra wheel hanging on sometimes. Maybe this bonfire was only for couples and even Deacon and Everett weren’t included in it. I asked Tony about the takeout order, and he gestured to a couple of large bags and a box sitting on one of the counters. I picked up the order and glanced over it. There was enough food in there for the whole group, plus some.