He has no idea he dug a Hoover Dam sized hole between Chase and me because I didn’t tell him we leap without looking. He knows something, but he doesn’t have the slightest clue how deep that something runs. In his mind, everything he does related to me stems from protection, but what he’s very, very slowly beginning to understand, is we’re not children anymore. Some things he can’t and shouldn’t shield me from.
Regardless, only a fool would push the blame on Mason.
He might have been the one to blow out the match, but Chase is the one who tossed it in the ocean.
That was a decision he had to make, to push me away or pull me closer, and he decided to push.
And that’s okay.
If there was one thing I wish he and I had, it would have been the opportunity for us to figure out together we weren’t meant to be. Maybe then I could have worked up to the point of understanding, without all the mess.
It sucks to hurt for a man you never even had.
The pain within me makes itself known at random, and that pain stems from a love that never even lived. One that never had a chance to flourish.
It’s that feeling of being robbed that stings more than anything at this point, but if there’s a positive to take away from this experience, it’s that growth can only come from heartache.
How else are you supposed to discover what you truly want?
What you refuse to let go of?
What you deserve in a partner?
I don’t think you can possibly know without the hurt to force your hand.
I want someone’s all.
I want someone’s all and absolutely nothing less.
Chase couldn’t give me that and maybe I should be thankful he realized before things got any deeper.
Maybe that’s my way of finding an excuse for a shitty move.
I sigh, stepping back.
“Ari,” Mason calls, sensing my retreat. “I miss hanging out with you. Stay?”
With a squashed smile, I wrap my arms around my brother, and as I look over his shoulder, the universe decides to test me.
My eyes lock with golden-brown ones.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I pull back, flicking the tray of cooked meat. “Should I take this to the tables?”
“If you could.” Mason nods, turning back to the grill.
On my way toward the rows of food, I catch Chase’s eyes from across the yard once more, but this time, I’m the one who looks away.
A hand slips in front of me, nudging a bowl of pasta out of the way, and I lower the mountain of chicken onto the tablecloth.
“So your brother got the cooking gene,” Noah teases.
I nudge him with my arm, pinching down the edges of the tinfoil. “How hard can it be to flip chicken?”
“Who knew that’s all there was to barbecuing?” he jokes. “Flip it and you’re good.”
I cross my arms and face him with a playful glare.
Noah chuckles, his gaze flicking in the direction I plan to ignore. “I have to go, but I wanted to say bye first.”
“You didn’t have to come back just to tell me that. You could have texted me.”
He nods, his blue eyes searching my face. “I don’t get a whole lot of free time on the weekends, but maybe you want to do something during the week? The cooking lessons are still on the table.”
“That’s because you haven’t seen how bad I am yet.”
“I’m taking that as a yes.” He smirks. “So, this week, right?”
I bite back a smile, nodding.
“Good, ‘cause I was going to keep asking until you said yes,” he adds, making me laugh.
Noah glances past me once more as he shuffles back. “I better go.”
“I want you to stay.”
He freezes for a second, before a bright smile takes over his face and he laughs, forcing mine to slip free. “Your jukebox plays all genres.”
“Yes, it does.”
Noah takes a step toward me, and as he comes closer, his eyes, a little darker than their usual blue, hold strong on mine, and suddenly, I’m not so sure I’m breathing.
It’s confirmed I wasn’t when a low gasp fills my throat as he presses his lips to the highest point of my cheekbone. They skim along my skin, maybe by mistake, as he pulls back, but either way, the heat of his lips burns all the way down my neck.
Noah gently squeezes my bicep, and then he walks away.
My eyes refuse to leave the back of his head, and only do when my bestie comes up and hip checks me.
She tears open a bag of chips and throws one at me. “Sleeping Beauty my ass.”
Chapter 17
Arianna
* * *
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
Noah grins, glancing over as he stirs. “What do you want to know?”
“Your secrets.” I pause for dramatic effect. “‘Cause there’s no way you whipped up this sauce in the half hour it took me to drop my stuff off and get here.”