Say You Swear

His jaw sets tight as he nods, silently thanking those he can see. Turning back to me, he nearly loses it, gratitude bleeding from his every pore.

“I thought you could use some back-up.”

He swallows, not trusting his own voice, and then his hand comes up, gliding along my cheek as he pushes my hair behind my ear. It’s the most soothing and settling sensation.

I don’t realize I’ve closed my eyes until they’re re-opening and his hand is, once again, wrapped over my own.

Past Noah’s shoulders, Paige nods, a small smile on her lips as she faces forward.

Moments later, the yard is silent as the man before us reads the eulogy of the woman who gave the world Noah Riley.

What an incredible woman she must have been.

A few hours later, we’re facing the parking lot, watching as the last truckload of football players loads up, honking on their way out of the parking lot.

Mason turns to Noah then, moving in to give him a bro-like hug, and when he steps back, he looks to me. “Are you riding back with us?”

I look to Noah. “My parents are at our place making a bunch of food, and they’ve got the firepit going. Trey and Paige were invited.”

He frowns.

“Come home?” I don’t mean to whisper. “I mean, come back. Please? You shouldn’t be alone.”

Noah nods, glances off and back again.

For some reason, I push closer and lift my chin to look at him. “I don’t want you to be alone, Noah. Please come with us.”

Though loss burns in his gaze and longing screams in the deep blue staring back, Noah’s lip twitches. His attention falls to my hand, so I take his. Something stirs in my gut and he tips his head the slightest bit.

“Ride with me.” He squeezes.

I squeeze back.

Everyone chats around me, drinks in hand and stomachs full of my mom’s best comfort food. Mason invited a handful of other guys who he said Noah had mentored closely as well as a few he had been close to over his four years at Avix.

I can’t believe he’s a senior. It’s his last year of college life, and his mom won’t get to see what he becomes after, whatever that might be.

He’s all alone now. He must feel so empty.

My joints stiffen and I drop my eyes to my lap.

He’s all alone…

Noah has no other family.

My head snaps up, landing on him not twenty feet away, and the pain in my back deepens.

Noah sits, staring off at nothing, Paige at his side in support.

Noah

* * *

My mind won’t stop, but it’s odd, because it’s as if my mind is blank, like nothing’s running through it, yet here I am I’m dead on my feet, winded from a race I can’t recall.

Today is a little too much, and that seems to be the theme.

Monday tests me, and Tuesday’s worse, but then Wednesday gets here and gives the other two the bird. Thursday does its damage and then Friday fucks me sideways, leading me into the weekend like ‘hold my beer.’ It’s a never-ending high rope with no bell to be rung, shredding my limbs with each attempt to scale.

I have no energy, no drive.

You have nothing, Noah.

My chin falls to my chest.

“I can guess the answer, but for the sake of asking, do you want to talk about it?” Paige eases, her voice hesitant, but tender.

Shaking my head, I force myself to look to her.

She sits one chair over, her body twisted, so she’s facing me, a hot cup of tea in her hand. Paige smiles, dropping her head against the back of the chair as she watches me.

Her nose turns a little red and she tugs her mouth to one side, trying to fight the tears consuming her.

I want to look away, I don’t want sympathy and I hate that how I’m feeling is affecting the people around me. I don’t want anyone sad because of me.

I don’t want anyone to feel what I’m feeling.

Completely and totally defenseless.

“Paige.” I reach over, placing my palm on her knee, and she sniffles through a nod.

Her eyes glide past me and her chest inflates as they come back to mine. “Has she remembered anything?”

My brows cave, and I face forward again. “Not exactly.” I think of how she mentioned orientation and her comfort in the kitchen. “Nothing she’s realized or that’s triggered anything else, as far as she’s shared anyway.”

“She called me by name.”

My head jerks toward her and Paige nods.

“I didn’t get the chance to tell her who I was. She saw me and called me by name.”

My gut spins. “What did she say?”

“She asked for you.”

Hope spears my chest, but it suffocates in the same breath.

It’s not so simple now.

Now, if Ari were to remember, there’s no guarantee.

Chase’s hand is in the pot, and all she has to do is grab hold.