I scrunched up my nose in confusion. “Not around other people.” My eyes narrowed at him. “I know I’m pretty good on the piano and guitar, but nothing special.”
He chuckled, his husky laughter making my stomach do a weird flip-flop. But then his eyes got serious. “What happened in the alley?”
I was majorly confused now at the quick change of topic and a little bit leery of his intentions. He never struck me as anyone creepy or someone hiding stalker tendencies, but not for the first time tonight, I wondered why he had been in a hole-in-the-wall dive bar with his model buddies, lingering outside after leaving.
I snorted once more. “I think it was pretty obvious. I had a creepy bar customer try…to accost me, and I was able to make him stop.”
He gave me another sidelong glance, confused. “Yes, but how?”
I saw a look of confusion flash over his face as we pulled into the trailer park. He looked at the GPS on his dashboard and then over at me. It was clear he rarely encountered this part of town. Embarrassment set in once more. The trailer park I lived in wasn’t even nice. The owner didn’t care that most of the trailers were dilapidated and in need of repair. A lot of the trailers had trash literally piled in front. There were cars up on blocks or in horrendous conditions. Some trailer inhabitants were sitting on their front porches smoking weed, cigarettes, and imbibing liquor and beer. Music blared from sound systems even though it wasn’t the weekend and was past two in the morning. I even saw that the druggies down the street—I disparagingly dubbed the drugged-out diva duo—had a group of guys over, scantily clad and dancing. Their movements clearly indicating that they were high.
In short, the trailer park would be better off being bulldozed to the ground. The owner was nothing shy of a slum lord. Instead of putting money back into the park, or enforcing common decency rules, he continued pocketing the money and looking the other way. That’s why I was infuriated when we received our eviction notice.
Luckily, we owned the two-bedroom trailer I lived in, but lot rent was still five hundred dollars a month. Heidi, my stepmom, burned through the monthly allotment of money my dad had left us. After the foreclosure of my dad’s beautiful home in a nice suburban neighborhood, she had wanted to
move in with her mother. Her mother had died two years ago and had left her the trailer. She only needed to come up with the lot rent, but she had failed to do so.
Tired of being hungry all the time, watching my half-sister, Ella, suffer, and the threat of being homeless looming over my head, I had gotten my job at the bar. I was finally able to catch up on all the back rent last month after finding out my stepmom was taking my money and using it elsewhere, mainly to buy drugs. Much to my stepmom’s horror, I went to the trailer park office every week and paid them. She even beat me until I told her I would still give her some of my money. So, after I bought our groceries, paid rent, and gave Heidi money, I had very little to spend on other things like clothes.
This week was a good week at the bar, so I had every intention of giving Heidi a small portion of my tips and using the rest to buy myself and Ella new clothes.
“This is me,” I said quietly as he stopped in front of my trailer. It was a little better than some of the trailers we had passed, but not by much. Ella and I had planted flowers and shrubs in the tiny front yard. There was a lack of trash surrounding the trailer too. I made a game out of cleaning up after Heidi and her boyfriends, the mess they made on a nightly basis was astounding.
I cringed when I saw Tom’s car parked out front. He gave me the creeps. I think mainly because he wasn’t like the normal ex-felons she brought home. He was a lawyer and made great money but had a horrible coke habit. He was always watching me—and not in an innocent way. Of course, Heidi was oblivious to it all. She was too enamored by the gifts he brought her along with the “good” stuff, as she called it. He was supporting her habits. She couldn’t see what I saw. I knew he had an ulterior motive for sticking around. My skin crawled.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Mr. Jace gently reminded me.
I was so caught up in my embarrassment, fear, and thoughts, I forgot he had asked me a question. Without censor, I shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes when…” I shook my head. It was bad enough he saw how I lived. I didn’t need him to judge me any further. How could I tell him that sometimes when I was afraid or angry, strange things happened? I couldn’t. I’m a freak. He already knew too much about me. I was an extremely private person. There was a reason I didn’t get close to people. “I don’t know,” I repeated once more. I grabbed the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.” I scurried out.
“Blake,” he leaped out of his own seat. I turned and watched him stride towards me. “You don’t have to stay here. You can come home with me.”
I gave him a look of astonishment. I didn’t know what he was suggesting, but from past experiences, I knew to trust no one. I knew even handsome, wealthy, sweet talkers could hide the soul of a demon. I learned long ago most people never did anything out of the kindness of their hearts. Everyone had an ulterior motive. No one did something for nothing, and I was cursed with good looks. I knew what they wanted from me. Why else would he suggest I come home with him?
I felt my eyes well with tears. I thought he was different. I thought he was a great teacher. “What do you suggest?” I asked angrily, my tears spilling over. “You helped me with that creep tonight, you were stalking me, and insisted on taking me home, so now you want some sort of payment. I may live in a trailer, but I’m not trash.”
He was quickly by my side, confusion clearly evident in his eyes. “What are you talking about?” He gently brushed the tears from my face, and I tried to ignore the energy I felt course through me from his touch. His eyes widened as if he had felt it too. I had to remind myself that he was my teacher and he was attractive, so those feelings were normal “It’s not what you are implying. I see the bruises you try to hide. I see the shadows in your eyes. I saw the fear when we pulled up. Who owns the Lexus, Blake? Have they been doing stuff to you?”
My anger quickly deflated. He was concerned about me. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was tired. I was tired of the desolation, the fear, the hopelessness that constantly plagued me. I couldn’t let him in. Every time I let someone close, they left me or died. I had to do this on my own. I took a deep breath. “Thanks for the ride,” I repeated as I quickly left him.
“Blake,” I heard him call, but I had already shut the door. I knew he wouldn’t follow me.
I wish I had stayed in his warm, nice smelling car for a while longer. Instead, I was greeted by the sight of Heidi in a sexually explicit act on the couch with Tom. I quickly averted my eyes, taking in the liquor and pill bottles littering the floor, and the dime bags of weed and lines of coke on the coffee table. “Sorry,” I mumbled turning to the right and running into my room.
I heard Heidi yell at Tom and me laughingly asking me if I wanted to join in. I pretended not to hear them as I closed my door, locking it behind me. Last month, I found some door hardware at the thrift store, including several types of locks, and installed a doorknob. I no longer wanted to be a victim in my own home.
It angered me to no end how open and carefree they were with their exploitations. In no way was this a healthy environment for a seventeen-year-old girl like me, let alone my impressionable sister. She shouldn’t ever be subjected to this debauchery. They could have kept all that crap in their own bedroom, but instead, they were so self-absorbed that they did everything in a location that Ella could see.
I felt my pulse quicken with anger as I turned to look at Ella. She was sleeping soundly in her bed. We shared a small eight by ten room. She slept on the lower bunk, and I slept on the top. She was still dressed in the clothes I had put her in this morning. Two empty wrappers of peanut butter crackers were clutched in one hand, and her Nintendo DS was clutched in the other (I saved up for it for a long time and bought her a used one with used games for her birthday months ago).
It was clear that Heidi didn’t feel like ‘moming’ again today, and Ella had to fend for herself after getting home. I kept a secret stash of food in our room. She must have felt the need to get food out of the trunk with the false bottom in our closet. At seven, she knew not to tell her mother about it. I learned long ago that anything left in the kitchen was eaten quickly. Heidi and her boyfriends didn’t care if we went hungry just as long as they had something to eat while they were partying it up.
I tried to shield Ella from the ugliness of our life as much as possible, but I still taught her how to fend for herself in situations like this. Ella was Heidi’s welfare check. Heidi never tried to bond with her own daughter. Before my father had died, she was indifferent towards me. After my dad died and she found out she was pregnant, I expected her to stop hiding her animosity towards me. I never expected her to turn her back on her own child.
I remember overhearing a conversation she had with her mother shortly after we moved in here. She was lamenting the fact that she never wanted children. If my father hadn’t taken care of her so well she would have left him long ago, after she found out he had a “brat.” She hated the fact that she couldn’t just turn me over to the state, but the only way she would continue getting money for me was if I stayed in her care. Then she found out too late that she was pregnant with Ella, and she didn’t have the money to “get rid of her,” so she was stuck with two brats. I learned early on how to take care of Ella.
At ten years old, I dropped her off at the sitters around the corner before jumping on the school bus. After school I would pick her back up. Her babysitter didn’t care who was dropping her off and picking her up as long as she was getting paid.
After Heidi’s mom had passed away, Heidi turned to the hardcore drugs, and that’s when things went from bad to worse. This trailer park was a cesspool of sex, drugs, and alcohol, and Heidi turned to it. She immersed herself in her new life.