No One But You

“Room 8.” She smiled at me and started powerwalking towards the imaging department. “A heads up, those parents are nervous wrecks. And Mr. Anson, don’t run on my floors.”

Quincy

I was never a fan of ballet. I never wanted to be a princess. I was always the girl that preferred guts to flowers. Which just made sitting here next to my ex-husband, the one that walked out of our home and never came back, a whole lot more uncomfortable.

When Richard found out I was pregnant with Pippa, it was too late. He didn’t want to come back and I definitely didn’t want him back. There was too much water under the bridge, as some might say.

After Theo I’d sworn I’d never have another child, in hindsight I probably should’ve been more attentive and pro-active when it came to birth control, but I was glad that my little girl came along.

At first, I didn’t think I could love her, but her quick firing heartbeat changed that. It was the push I needed to start pulling myself together. To get the help I needed to get myself out of the rut I’d fallen into.

Even if she was a tie to Richard, I didn’t resent her. How could I?

There were times when I questioned my life choices, mostly my decision to marry her dad, but there was never a moment that I regretted her.

She was my sunshine. My reason for breathing.

My little golden-haired girl, with her bright amber eyes and cute button nose…and her father’s personality. I hoped that she had just enough of me to balance out the unfortunate traits she’d inherited from him.

Somewhere along our journey he’d become callous and careless. He was unfeeling. At first, I thought it had been the outcome of losing our child. But I quickly realised that it was just him. He’d always been that way; I’d just been too wrapped up in my feelings and career to see what was right under my nose. I’d created this perfect version of him and that was all I’d chosen to see, until I walked in on him with another doctor. In the on-call room. With his dick down her throat. Sad really because up until then I’d been willing to try and make things between us work. I’d wanted our unborn child to have a full set of parents.

At the same time, it was a relief, I don’t know why but it felt like I didn’t have to try to fix something that in reality I didn’t want to fix. That was unfixable.

There was nothing left. No trust. No affection. No love. Nothing.

So yeah, here I was sat next to the man who’d cheated on his wife and then his best friend, and I was content because my baby was on stage with a crown of bright green leaves in her gold hair, a brown tutu dress and the biggest smile on her beautiful face.

Her freckled arms stretched and rounded above her head. One foot neatly tucked by her knee in an impressive passé she’d been practicing every night before I tucked her into bed. She was the sweetest and most precious thing I’d ever seen.

Jenna whispered something to Richard. His face growing sullen at her words before he turned to me. His jaw set in an irate line.

“Where is he?”

What I’d really wanted to say was none of your business, but I knew better. So, in favour of keeping the peace I mumbled the only thing I knew.

“He was waiting on a scan when I left.”

“He’s a fucking liability.”

Whoa there, on second thought, maybe I should’ve gone with my gut reply. Call me biased if you’d like, but Jamie was not a liability. He just had his way of prioritising things. The girls would have so many more of these recitals and performances that it didn’t really matter whether he missed one, but making a patient wait could cost them their life. On the grand scale of things, it was clear which was more important.

“Richard, at one point he was your best friend.” I pinned him with my stare. “Before you went behind his back. With his wife. In light of that, who’s the liability really?”

I smiled at one of the mums that was listening in to our conversation and turned back toward the stage.

“He better be here.”

“And if he isn’t, it’s because he can’t be.” I hissed.

Times like this I just wanted to slap him so hard. I wanted him to see further than just the end of his nose. You would’ve thought that he of all people would understand. Our career paths were pretty much the same after all.

I took a deep breath as my mother clasped my hand in hers and squeezed. I squeezed right back. She’d taken over Richard’s place in my life. She’d taken over his responsibilities. She’d held my hand and calmed me down when I’d had panic attacks in the weeks approaching Pippa’s birth. She’d been there for every scan, every blood test and after every meeting with my counsellor. It’d taken a lot of work and push on her part to get me back to being me. Sort of.

When Richard walked out I thought she’d blame me, but she just hugged me through it and told me how it made him a lesser man. Then when she found out about his on-call fun, she took me to the best divorce solicitor and made sure that I didn’t lose on that front because I’d already los

t too much according to her.

My tears were never too much and my silence was never too loud for her. I hoped against hope that one day, if that day ever came, I could be the same rock to my daughter that my mother had been for me.