She shook her head, clearly still taken aback. I could see tears shining in her eyes and I realised that she was probably as scared as my daughter was. She had to tell her little girl that there would be more change. Call me sentimental, but I felt for her. In some ways I pitied her because without Richard she was alone. She’d left her home and her family to be
with Jamie and now she was starting all over again with a man who didn’t have the best reputation for being faithful. And I wondered whether she ever worried that he would stray from her. I wondered if that was something that she thought about often, or whether she trusted him so much that it never really crossed her mind.
“I’m not angry about the news. I’m happy for you, congratulations.” I smiled at her. “Just…Please, just don’t hurt my baby. This is all so confusing as it is, so maybe sit down with the girls and explain it to them. Right now, Philippa thinks she won’t have a dad anymore.”
I looked at Richard. “You need to reassure her that you won’t love her any less. Please?”
“Of course.”
“Hold on a second. How the fuck did this happen? You said you didn’t want any more kids when we…” His words died on his lips before he stated matter of factly, “You didn’t want any more with me.”
“At the time I didn’t want any more, period, but things have changed and—”
“And now you’re with Dick over here.” Jamie stood and patted Richard’s shoulder. “You know, had you been honest with me we could’ve saved ourselves a whole lot of unnecessary angst.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you and…” She turned to him.
“It’s a shame you didn’t think of that when you two decided to go behind my back. After all the hospital gossip? I expected it from you.” He pinned Richard with a glare. “Let’s be honest, you weren’t Mr. Fidelity. But you? I trusted you with everything.”
Richard stilled, his eyes meeting mine before narrowing on Jamie’s. “Where were you?”
“What?” Jamie took a step back.
He paced up and down one half of the kitchen like he was going over everything in his head. I wanted to hold him and make all the anger and sadness masking his handsome face dissipate. I wanted to squeeze his hand and let him know that it was okay and to mute all this noise.
“Where were you when she was your wife?”
“Richard!” Jenna squeezed his shoulder like she was begging him to stop.
“What, Jenn?” He shrugged. “He keeps going on like he’s so innocent in all of this but, where was he? Maybe if he was actually here he would’ve known sooner.”
“How long did it take for you to come clean?” Jamie spun around and looked directly at Richard. “How many times did you fuck her behind my back?”
The venom and disgust coating his words as he referred to her, Jenna, made me wince.
“We’re not having this discussion again.” Richard looked at his watch before stating, “I need to go before I’m late. Look, James…Quince, I’m sorry you found out about the baby like this. I really am, but let’s face it, there was always going to be some sort of backlash. At least now it’s out in the open and we can just prepare the girls together. Right?”
I grabbed the back of Jamie’s shirt and pulled him back from Richard’s face, the stool I was sitting on wincing as it tilted forwards with my body weight. His fists were balled, and I knew that he was ready to shove my ex-husband’s callous words right back down his throat. As true as they were, they were still brutish and harsh.
“Quince, you understand how it is. We’ve explained a lot more difficult circumstances to Pippa.” Richard shrugged.
“Firstly, my name is Quincy. You should know that considering we were married for five years. Secondly, this is not okay.” I swallowed down my nerves and tears as I remembered his words before he walked out on me the last time, right after I’d found him with another woman.
“Technically it was three years. The other two don’t really count do they?”
Fuck me, I wished that I’d let Jamie smash his smarmy face to a pulp.
“None of this is fine. This is a clusterfuck of your own making and we’re just trying to live through it. And don’t give yourself credit because all of this isn’t about you or our non-existent marriage. It’s about our children. Those girls have enough on their plates without the added doubt of where they stand. So, if I were you I would worship the ground that little girl out there walks on. I’d hold on tight before she decides you are nothing but a disappointment to her too.”
“Quincy…” Jenna said with a knot in her voice that sounded like she was about to burst into tears.
I stood from the stool and walked to the hall. I kissed my daughter goodbye, assuring her that I loved her more than anything in this universe before I grabbed my coat and bag and left. I walked away before I blew.
Jamie
Richard was gone and I should’ve left. I should’ve followed Quincy out of the door and cooled down. But her reaction was unexpected. I thought she’d be upset about the baby news. Ever since Theo she’d been funny about babies, which was odd because of her job. A Cardiothoracic surgeon who’d specialised in Paediatrics and was mostly uncomfortable about babies. Ironic. Laughable even.
But I’d come to understand that by helping other infants and children she felt less guilty about what had happened to her and her son. Not that it was her fault. Babies are stillborn every day, but because of her knowledge she felt that she should’ve known something was wrong. She felt like she should have had a sixth sense as a mother and as a doctor. In a lot of ways, she was still trying to make up for it with how she fussed over Philippa.