No One But You

“You know what I mean. Just like I know that it crossed your mind. There were times when we were together and you were not with me, Jamie. I saw it on your face and in your eyes and the way you were with me.”

I couldn’t deny it because it had crossed my mind. All those times I held Quincy and I’d wanted to do more to comfort her and to show her that she wasn’t alone. But I never acted on it because I’d made a promise to the woman sitting in front of me, and I couldn’t go back on my word. I couldn’t hurt her and betray her. But, maybe I had done all those things, just not in the same way she had.

“We were so young when we jumped into this, Jamie. You were in a new country and you were something new to me. I’d never met anyone like you. You walked into the ethics class and I was gone. I never thought that someone like you would look twice at somebody like me, and when you did…it was magic. I don’t know if you were ever in love with me, but I hope that at one point you were.”

“Jenna…”

“I know you loved me, Jamie. In some ways I still think you do. How could you not? Despite all of this, we’ve shared so much. We’ve done so much together. We made a beautiful and smart life together.” She wiped my fallen tears from my face and smiled at me through her own. “I still love you. But that love isn’t enough, it isn’t what it should be. That love is the love between friends. It’s always been that love, maybe we got carried away. I like to think that it brought us to where we are now so that we can have the real thing. I don’t know. I just know that although Richard and I went about things the wrong way I don’t regret any of it.”

She stroked my cheek before dropping her hand to her belly.

“He’s my Quincy, Jamie. Maybe you don’t know it yet. But the way you looked at her today, I stood there and watched you watch her.” She pointed at the kitchen doorway. “I watched you finally take a breath and let go. You have no idea how intimidating it was to have you both sat here in front of me. The two of you together have this pull, this connection that sucks the air out of the room. You don’t need to touch or speak, it’s just there. I know you feel it, and I know you rein yourself in so tight…you close yourself off so that you don’t have to acknowledge it. You should. For yourself, and for her. It doesn’t all have to be bad blood. We can make this all worth it and better.”

“Problem is, Jenna, I don’t know how to. I can’t just overlook all of this. I can’t get over the fact that he is living my life. He’s replaced me in this house. He sees Molly more than I do. You have no idea how it kills me to have to hand my own flesh and blood over to another man. To him. You have no idea what it feels like for your daughter to ask you if he is her dad too. Can you imagine that?”

She shook her head.

“I didn’t think so. I walk around in fear that one day she’ll just think I’m nobody to her. Maybe I was an awful husband. Maybe I should’ve doted more on you, but unlike you, I have regrets. I didn’t marry you because we were just friends. I married you because I wanted to give you everything, Jenna.”

She scrubbed her hands down her face, sweeping her tears away. The ring on her finger mocking me with its glint.

“You knew. I always told you how important my job was. You knew I was in the States to learn from the best. Maybe it’s selfish, but I can help save people. I’ve scrubbed in on over one-hundred Neuro surgeries, I can count on my two hands how many of those patients didn’t make it. Do you know how many other surgeons out there have those statistics? I’m one of the best, and with that comes a responsibility to do everything in my power to save every life I can. That’s the oath I took. I made that vow to myself.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie.” She took a deep breath. “You know you’re always welcome here. You’re all Molly ever talks about. I have to pry the phone away from her every day. Our girl loves you something crazy.”

“I have to go.” I stood from the stool at the same time she did. I wasn’t equipped to deal with all of this. Especially not in this house.

Jenna stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on my cheek as she cupped my face with both of her hands. “I am so sorry for hurting you, Jamie.”

“I know.” I nodded as I pulled her hands off me. “I’ll see myself out. I’ll call Molly later. I don’t want her to see me like this.”

Quincy and I were good friends. I’d held her days after she was born. Her mother had the photos to prove it too. She’d followed Phillip, Richard and I around like a bad smell. She was always there with Willow and Dorian. The three of them, always up to something. Always scheming. So it came as no surprise when my phone rang and one of my sisters’ names shone up at me. I ignored it twice whilst I walked aimlessly through the bright city streets. I kept walking and running things over in my head until the other started calling instead.

“What do you want?” I grumbled into my phone.

“To check on you. Where are you?”

“I’m out.”

“You know I hate it when you’re moody.” Willow whined.

“You know I hate it when you both interfere. I know you’re there too, Dorian.”

“We were worried about you.” Dorian replied quietly.

“Why?”

“Umm…well, I…we…”

“Spit it out!”

“We spoke to Quincy and she said that you might be a little upset and that she was worried and if she’s worried…” She rambled one hundred miles a second like the words were falling out of her mouth too quickly for even her to keep up.

“Shut up Willow! We promised we wouldn’t say anything.”

“Okay. Let’s get one thing straight here, I already knew you’d spoken to Quincy. Next time wait at least twenty-four hours before you call me. Also, I’m fine. I just need to get my head straight, and no, before you suggest anything—YOU. CAN’T. HELP. ME.” I punctuated and enunciated every word in the hope that they’d get it loud and clear.

“Fine.” They both huffed in unison.