She continued, “But if we deliver early, before anything goes wrong, you’ll be fine and your baby will have a fair chance.”
If I had known, what would I have done? Given the chance to make her decision, I had no idea what way I would’ve gone. Some part of me envied her for it. For the chance to save my child. I’d had nothing. Not a single symptom all the way through. Absolutely nothing. Until it was too late and I ended up with an emergency C-Section and my child lifeless.
I looked up as I felt her hand cover mine. It was bizarre, the way I desperately wanted to help her. She didn’t feel just like a patient, or even the woman who had been married to my greatest love. In that moment she didn’t feel like a part of the other team.
“Quincy, if you were me, what would you do?” She asked like there was no one else in the room. Like we were two friends chatting over coffee about something mundane and probably unimportant.
I wasn’t her friend. I’d never really been her friend, not even when she was married to Jamie. But that look. The way she was looking at me. It reminded me of me and of the choices I could’ve had. I could’ve made.
I cleared my throat as Jamie wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You can’t ask me that.” Her hand squeezed mine again like she was silently begging. “As a doctor, I can’t answer it.”
“I want to save my baby.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I don’t want just a fair chance, I want a solid one.”
“I can give you the pros and cons, but I can’t tell you what to do. This isn’t even my area.”
“Exactly, it isn’t. You are not an Obstetrics or Neo specialist…” Sam stood suddenly. “It’s clear as day that you’re too emotionally invested, Ms. Cavendish. This is too personal.”
“Sam…”
“What, Jamie? You know as well as I do that she’s incapable of treating this case objectively. It’s too close to home.”
I could feel him bristle next to me just like I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. “I am more than capable of being objective, Ms. Sterling.”
“Are you?” She asked me brusquely. “Because from where I’m standing you’re one blink away from emotionally disintegrating.”
She didn’t know how wrong she was. That blink had been and gone and now aside from my sadness, I was pissed off that she was questioning my ability to be professional. She knew, as well as the other two doctors in that room, that I wasn’t just good at my job, when it came to Cardiothoracics I was one of the best. That’s why I was more often than not her preferred consult, despite our history, because a lot of the time in cases like this the heart would be compromised and I’d step in to fix it.
“Jenna, are you happy for me to continue in Mr. Peters’ absence? Do you feel that I am in any way incapable of giving you the facts like they should be?”
“I’ve been told you’re great and I want the best for our baby.”
I reached for the folder that Jamie still had in his hand. I skimmed through the notes that Sam had made so far. “I’m sorry, Dr. Sterling, would you mind if I borrowed your pen?” She looked at me like I’d just skinned her cat. She was definitely a cat person, and as she handed me her pen I couldn’t help but giggle at the grey Tabby kittens floating in the translucent tube with the iridescent glitter. Yep, definitely a cat lady. Go figure.
“Did I miss something funny?”
I looked at the pen and then back at her. Looks wise she was most certainly not a cat lady. I looked up at Jamie who was squeezing my arm. He was trying so hard to hide his smile as he shook his head telling me not to go there.
“Nice pen.” My eyes snapped over to Jenna who was having a right old giggle too.
“Right,” I cleared my throat as I drew a line under Sam’s notes and added the date and time next to my name and signature. “I’m going to tell you all the risks and what they mean. If at any point you feel like it’s too much, or if you have a question, stop me. Let me know. This is an important part and I need you to understand all of it.”
“Richard? Could you fetch me a drink? I’d love a herbal tea, maybe mint or chamomile?”
“Now?”
“Please. You know all this already, and I need something soothing.” She reached over and stroked his cheek.
It felt so strange seeing them interact like that. They were both normally so reserved in front of me. He leant into her hand as he sighed a breathy “Okay,” and got up to go get her a tea.
She waited till he was out of the room before she told me to carry on. Jamie pulled the chair Richard had been sat on closer to me and
turned it so that it was facing Jenna. “You realise that everything is shut on Christmas day, right?”
“I know that, but he won’t come back either until he’s found somewhere open or he’s sure everything is closed. It gives Quincy enough time to tell me all the risks and me to tell Dr. Sterling exactly how I want to proceed.”
“You sound like you already know what you want.” Sam sat back down at the foot of the bed.
“Perhaps I do,” she looked at Sam with an unmoving and stern set to her eyes and then she looked to me as if to emphasise what she wanted, “But I want Dr. Cavendish to tell me the risks before I’m certain.” She relaxed back into the mound of pillows behind her back and crossed her legs. “Please, Quincy.”