Breathing in her hoarse whisper, my hands tighten impossibly harder around her wrists until I feel her veins pulsing and her bones biting into mine.
“It’s not true. It’s not your fault. It’s not on you.”
The way her doe eyes slope and soften backs up her honesty. Long lashes flutter like they do when she’s hurting and trying to push through it without sharing her pain.
She’s wrong though.
“I knew what was coming.”
“We all did.” The minute my grasp loosens on her wrists as I brace myself against the wall at her back, her hands cup my face.
“I should’ve known better. Been better prepared.”
Head falling forward with a low sob, she buries her face in the crook of my neck, warm hands tightening on my cheekbones.
“I should’ve protected you better.”
A hiccup wracks her chest, and hot, liquid fire coats my skin.
“I should’ve been a better husband. A better father.”
Arabella’s hands slip down my neck, before her arms wrap around my shoulders.
“You are.” Crying into my ear, she presses a kiss to my jaw. “I made you do it.”
“My pride made me do it.”
“Cariño…”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of failing at making you happy. My pride got in the way of the bigger picture. My stupid fucking pride.”
Resting her forehead on the bridge of my nose, she sighs, closing her eyes. Her tears slip down her face and drip onto my chest as she tries to get her words out through her hiccups.
“I-I-I…” She gasps for breath, and her arms tighten around me as she carries on through stammering sobs. “Y-y-you tried. I should’ve let you.”
Her lashes flutter as heavier tears bead on them and then rain down her face before she looks up at me from under them.
The whites of her eyes are bloodshot, and her pupils are so wide that the slim ring of chocolate around them is almost non-existent.
“Belles…” Trying to see her better, I hoist her up my body until her legs are wrapped higher
up at my waist. “You did nothing wrong.”
It’s a lie.
Arabella saved me.
She put me before herself and our child. And that is why hating her isn’t something I can live with. I can’t blame her for any of it.
Instead I’ll hate myself for putting her through all this. For making her choose me over our baby when she begged me to always do the opposite.
Letting her slip down my stomach, I hold her tight to my chest as her tears overwhelm her. Her body shakes with her suffocating cries as she claws my shoulder blades.
It’s unbearable, and yet the only thing I can do is pull her closer, squeeze her to my chest, trying to stop her shudders as I walk her back into the bedroom.
Sitting on the edge of the bed with her wrapped around me, I listen to her anguish rip its way through her, all the while holding my own in check, because finally my wife is allowing me to carry her through the rough times.
Chapter 21