“You have funny reasoning, Professor, but I’m still glad you don’t let everyone else see these curves.” He flung the bunny over his shoulder so he could use his fingers to stroke a knot on my hip. Pausing at it, he furrowed his brow. “What’s this?”
Ice formed in my veins. As he leaned down to examine the old knife scar and then kiss it, I jerked away. “Don’t.” The panic in my voice had him looking up and studying me, reading every uncomfortable, memory-laden expression on my face.
“Aspen,” he said softly, his sharp eyes seeing more than I wanted him to. “Was that a trigger?”
“Tr...?” I blinked. Why would he use that word? My therapist had always used that word. Shaking my head, I tried to laugh off the concern in his gaze. “I don’t know what you mean?”
“I mean...” He drew in a deep breath and then exhaled. Setting his fingers against the scar, he asked, “Did you get this from your rape?”
I blacked out. Seriously, for a split second, I saw nothing but absolute black. But I remained completely, horrifyingly conscious.
“Aspen?” Warm fingers cupped my shoulders. Blinking the black away, I watched a fuzzy image of Noel’s concerned face slowly fill my view. “Do you remember telling me about that?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered in horror. “I didn’t...” Oh, God, I hadn’t, had I? Why would I tell him about that? Opening my mouth to speak, I shook my head, completely aghast. “W...why would I tell you about that?”
“You were drunk. We talked about a lot that night.”
“But...” I pressed my hand to my chest. That wasn’t something I ever wanted him to know...wanted anyone to know. “What exactly did I tell you?”
“Not much. You were fourteen. He was a football player. Your parents refused to do anything
about it.”
I brushed my hair out of my face, surprised how cold my fingers were. “But...”
“I’m glad I know.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I’m glad I understand why you were so judgmental of me at first. And I’m relieved to see just how strong you are. You survived this and overcame it. I don’t...shit. I don’t know how much you think about it when we’re together, but the fact that you can still find pleasure with me is...” He shook his head. Eyes gleaming with emotion, he smiled. “You just impress the hell out of me, that’s all.”
I curled into him and ducked my face into the hollow between his neck and shoulder. “I don’t think about it, him, not when we’re together, except maybe to marvel over how good it can actually be compared to...” I shivered, remembering just how bad it could get.
“I’m glad.” Noel kissed my cheek. “But if I ever do hit a trigger, or do anything that reminds you...you’ll tell me, right?”
I nodded, and strangely enough I wasn’t lying. How we’d moved so effortlessly from teacher and student who completely despised each other to personal confidants, I have no idea. But I’d be forever grateful for it. Not only had I just gained a lover, but it also felt as if I’d made a friend. So, I confided in my friend.
“It was my senior year.” Resting my cheek on his heartbeat, I ran my fingers idly up his chest, marveling over how hard and smooth he was. “I was a couple months shy of fifteen. Zach was a senior too.”
“Zach.” Noel snarled the word as if he wanted to commit the name of his next victim to memory.
I smiled softly and nodded, loving the protective sound in his voice. “He was eighteen, like most normal high school seniors, and was the ‘it’ boy. Back then, I wasn’t very good at concealing my emotions. Everyone knew I had a raging crush on him. The first time he smiled at me and said hi, I think I literally sighed aloud. When he asked me on a date, I was just...over the moon.”
Noel’s arms tightened around me, but he didn’t interrupt as he combed his fingers gently through my hair.
“I had no idea there was a bet going around over who could take the freak girl’s virginity.”
Cursing fluidly, Noel tucked his face next to mine and pressed our cheeks together. He hissed out a breath as if he needed to release some of the anger building pressure inside him.
“He was a complete gentleman most of the night. We watched a movie; he paid and bought me popcorn and a drink. I was pretty much in love by the time the ending credits rolled. I think he had paid more attention to me during that one action flick than my parents had paid me in my entire life. He let me pick the film and put the popcorn in my lap so I’d always have access to it. He even got me a soda refill half way through the movie. After that, I would’ve run away from home and joined a band of traveling gypsies just to be with him. Whatever he wanted. So when he asked if I’d like to go to the local make-out spot before he took me home, I was all on board. But I’d never even had my first kiss up until that point. I kind of thought he’d be okay with working our way through the bases, one step at a time, you know.”
Noel nodded and kissed my temple. “Of course,” he agreed with me, his voice soft and tender. “That’s how it’s usually done.”
“The kissing was okay,” I went on, wondering why I didn’t feel awkward talking about kissing another guy while I was lying in my current lover’s arms. But spilling everything to Noel just seemed...natural. “I’m not sure I would’ve dove straight into French kissing right off the bat if I’d had the choice, but I wanted to make him happy, so I tried to catch up. It was when he went up my shirt that I started to get uncomfortable. I just...”
“You weren’t ready yet,” Noel finished for me.
“Right. I wasn’t ready. Except when I tried to slow him down...” I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed.
Burying his nose into my hair, Noel murmured, “You don’t have to talk about the rest.”
But I wanted him to know. “He completely changed,” I plowed forward. “If he’d continued to be nice, if he’d just tried to sweet talk me a little more, I probably would’ve given in willingly. But at the first sign of my hesitance, he turned brutal. He grabbed my face hard with one hand, called me a frigid little freak, and pulled a knife out of his pocket.”