His fingers found my bare, flat stomach as if seeking our child. What if there was a baby in there? What if he’d planted a piece of forever inside me? A piece of our legacy could survive from generation to generation. Maybe our gold could stay.
My body turned to liquid fire as he took me straight to the peak without mercy, driving me straight over the edge and into ecstasy. We came together, kissing and touching, united in more ways than I could probably count. As I curled into him and he buried his face in my hair, holding me close, the only thing I could think was, Please don’t let this end yet. Just a little longer.
***
So, I peed on the stick.
After what had just happened in the car, my knees were already too wobbly to walk straight. Noel had always been an intense lover, but this time he’d left me rattled. But it must’ve affected him too because he didn’t want to stop touching me.
Once we’d found all our clothes and gotten decent enough to dash inside without being caught in flagrante delicto by the neighbors, he’d taken my hand and hadn’t let go. He wouldn’t even let me into the bathroom by myself, which was a bit too personal for me. I shooed him out. But as soon as I finished, he opened the door, popping his head inside, embarrassing the heck out of me because just knowing he’d listened to me was awkward.
“Anything yet?” he asked, stepping close and smoothing his hand down my arm as he glanced at the test strip.
I shook my head. We fell quiet, staring at the stick. Another thirty seconds passed and finally a line began to appear.
Noel squeezed my bicep. “Here we go.”
I held my breath, waiting, hoping. No second line appeared. My shoulders fell limp.
Noel lifted his gaze, his blue eyes probing. “This means it’s negative, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak a single word. My throat closed over, going instantly dry. I tried to clear it delicately, but it didn’t help.
“Well.” He blew out a long breath, stared at the wall over my shoulder, then raked his hand through his hair before setting it on his hip. “Shit.”
I lifted my face, surprised to hear him say that. Had he actually wanted it to be positive? Oh, my God. Had I? I’d been so hopeful. I thought negative was the result I’d been hoping for. But I felt so disappointed now that it was the result I’d gotten.
“I guess...I guess we just dodged a bullet there,” he said, only to wince and glance away.
Unable to handle knowing he’d wanted it as badly as I had, I pushed past him, escaping the bathroom. “Aspen? What...?”
I rushed down the hall, needing space. Everything inside me felt like it was going to come out. But once I reached the front room, I realized this wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wanted to be back in that car, on Noel’s lap, holding on tight to my chunk of gold.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I refused to cry. I sat blindly on the armrest of my couch and grabbed the back cushions for support. My throat squeezed shut; I probably should’ve gotten myself a drink, but I just sat there.
I felt as if I’d just lost a child, when in actuality I’d avoided a complete disaster.
“Aspen?” Noel appeared cautiously in the opening of the hallway, where he stopped as if afraid to come closer.
I looked up at him and shook my head, “What were we thinking? If I’d been pregnant, that would’ve been it. The secret would’ve come out. You would’ve been kicked out of school. I would’ve lost my job. Your siblings...your siblings...Why were we in any way hopeful for this?”
Noel stepped forward, paused, then stepped forward again. Kneeling in front of me, he took my hands and lifted them to his mouth to softly kiss my knu
ckles. “Because we wanted to create proof of how amazing we are together. We wanted a living legacy of our bond.”
His words were the absolute truth. I had wanted something tangible and real that was half me and half him. I’d ached for it, needing to make us as permanent as possible.
“But it’s the most irresponsible thing we could’ve done. This has gotten completely out of hand. We forgot protection again, just now, in the car. And we’re letting way too many people know about us. Damn it, everyone in the bar tonight knew we were together. And now they know we’re risky enough to possibly get pregnant. Hell, four of them were even students of mine.”
Noel winced. “If it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain we can trust all of them.”
Fairly certain? I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Jesus, wasn’t that just great. “It’s too dangerous. Too reckless. We need to be rational.”
He groaned and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “I hate it when you’re rational; you always try to leave me when you’re rational.”
With a harsh laugh, I yanked my hands out of his grasp. “Because it’s the smart thing to do, Noel. My God, do you not realize how much we lose control when we’re around each other, how much we put at risk? This is the second time we’ve gone without any kind of protection, and you said you’ve never—”
“I know what I said,” he snapped irritably as he ran his hand through his hair and pushed to his feet. “And it’s not like I mean to forget. It’s just...everything with you is different. That’s the entire point of all this. If you weren’t, if you were just any other girl, we wouldn’t have any of these problems. I wouldn’t lose my head when you’re close, and I wouldn’t forget my fucking condoms. But then, we probably wouldn’t have to worry about remembering either, because you’re my teacher and I would have no problem staying away. But you are different. You’re more. And that’s exactly why it’s worth the risk.”