“I...” I glanced down at the money. “It’s more than I expected.”
Shit, that sounded awful.
The guard laughed softly and nudged my shoulder. “Go on. Your ride’s waiting.”
I glanced at the taxi, then back to him. “Good-bye.”
He nodded. “Stay out of trouble. I don’t want to see you back here again.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t have to worry about that. I sent him a small wave before half walking, half jogging toward my one and only state-funded cab ride to a destination of my choice.
My clothes stretched and pinched as I moved. I’d grown enough that the hem of my pants fell well above my ankles and my shirt was so tight the seams groaned, protesting each step.
The last time I’d worn this very outfit, I was being arrested for raping Abbott Bainbridge’s only daughter.
“Where to?” the cabbie asked as I opened
the back door and slid in.
I sat there, staring at him. Where to?
Why had I not thought of an answer for that question until this very moment? All morning, ever since I’d been informed I was being let go, I’d only been concerned about getting free; I hadn’t even thought about what I’d do when I actually was free.
I just knew what I wasn’t going to do.
I wasn’t going to find her.
“Well?”
“Uh...” I drew in a breath and rattled off my address, though I had no idea what to expect once I actually reached it. No one in my family had come to visit me or contact me in any way, not once in seventy-two months. They probably had no idea I was out.
My mom would be happy to see me, I was eighty percent certain of that. My dad would pitch a shit fit and most likely slap me around a little, then either put me to work or tell me to get lost. My brothers and sister...hell, most of them probably wouldn’t even recognize me.
But I didn’t recognize myself, so they wouldn’t be alone.
As we approached the city, I stared out the window, identifying some landmarks, while other landmarks...not so much. Even the things I did remember looked different. Felt different. I tensed when I realized what was coming next.
The Bainbridge estate. A long drive lined with trees that ended at a stone-set circle drive and introduced the snowy white mansion of Abbott Maxwell Bainbridge.
When the tree line broke away, there sat his property, as proud and pretentious as ever. I sucked in a breath, not expecting the flood of longing, regret, heartache.
It tore through me, shredding open my chest and slashing into my guts. The breath-stealing sensation lingered as his house just as abruptly disappeared and more trees sprang up.
My trees.
I clenched my hands around my knees and closed my eyes, ignoring the ache in my chest. My heart banged against each memory like a battering ram, bruising every tender image that flashed through my mind.
If only...
No. There were no what ifs. No should haves. No if onlys. This was life and how it had happened. I had to let go of the past and continue from here. Without her.
The taxicab began to slow. I scraped my top teeth over my bottom lip to combat the nerves. I actually ached to see my mother, all my siblings, even our stupid worn-down shack of a home. I couldn’t wait to—
The car pulled into a drive.
I blinked.
“What’s this?” I said, pointing out the window, sounding accusative, feeling accusative, as I scowled at the driver.