But he held up a hand, warding me off. “I’m fine,” he snapped.
He so wasn’t fine. He looked defeated and lost.
“So...?” I asked, not sure what he wanted me to do now. Not sure what I should do. I jiggled my leg, trying to calm myself and failing.
He sighed and shook his head, not making eye contact. “So you were right. I shouldn’t have gotten tangled up with your cousin Elisa.”
My mouth fell open. I didn’t think he’d confess that to me, and for a startled moment, I didn’t know what to say. Then he lifted his face; he looked so guilty and apologetic, my own guilt and need to say sorry rose in my throat.
I shrugged one shoulder. “Well...I guess now you know.”
And maybe now he’d stay away from “Elisa” for good, though the very idea made me want to weep inside.
He shook his head, frowning. “Is that all you have to say?”
I glanced at him, not sure what else I could say, unless I blurted out some big long confession. Which, of course, I didn’t do.
He shook his head, obviously confused. “Aren’t you pissed I went behind your back and hooked up with her anyway?”
Blowing out a long, tired breath, I shook my head. “No,” I said honestly. I was actually very, very glad he’d hooked up with me, anyway. Our two nights together were going to be a few of the best memories I’d ever have. “I mean, like I said, you’re the one I was wo
rried about from the beginning. If you wanted to go ahead after that and take your chances anyway, it’s...” Not sure how to say this or even if I should say anything, I mumbled, “Besides, I have a feeling you didn’t...instigate it.” When his eyebrows crinkled as if confused, I rolled out a hand. “I mean, I could picture you trying to stop and she just...pushed for more.”
He glanced away, refusing to talk about it. Honored that he hadn’t turned me into any kind of trashy locker room talk, even after what I’d just done to him, I glanced away too.
Mozart was still up in his cage, tipping his head to the side as he studied me. I wondered if he knew I was the same person from last night or not.
“If you don’t want to go eat now, that’s fine,” I said, hoping he’d decline. I needed a couple hours away from him to get my head back on straight.
But he said, “No. Let’s go. I need to get out of here for a couple hours.”
Guess he needed to clear his head as well. I wanted to ease his peace of mind more than I wanted to ease my own, so I drove him to the nearest pizza parlor because just then, I’d do anything for him.
We both ate quietly, lost in our own thoughts. He didn’t talk about what he was thinking or what he planned to do about “Elisa,” which I was grateful for.
When I dropped him back off at his place, he told me thanks before he climbed out of the car. Then he called me a true friend.
I felt numb after that. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep secrets, couldn’t lie, couldn’t lead a double life. He needed to know, and he needed it more than I needed to keep it from him.
It was going to hurt when he pushed me out of his life, but I was just going to have to deal with it. I just really, really didn’t want to be there when he learned the truth, even though it would be best if he heard it from me.
Tomorrow, I promised myself. I’d call him in the morning, and I’d tell him everything.
I still felt wiped clean of energy and ready to crawl back into bed to hibernate for the rest of winter when I arrived at Forbidden that evening. I really wanted to skip my shift and find Elisa. I’d stopped by her workplace, but didn’t ask about her this time, not wanting to look like a total stalker. But that was the only place I knew to find her. I’d probably have to wait a couple days before going back again.
Damn it.
Yawning as I pushed through the front doors, I nodded a greeting to Harper and wondered if I could maybe play the brother card with Pick, take some time off just for tonight. But then I remembered Mason would already be absent. He’d buried his mother only two days ago, plus he had a younger sister to move into his apartment.
So, we were already shorthanded.
Bummed because nothing since the moment Elisa had crawled out of my bed this morning had gone my way, I yawned again.
“Hole-ee shit,” Ten exploded, popping in front of me, right in my face, so I had to jerk to a stop to keep from running into him. “Rock star finally got himself laid, huh? It’s about fucking time, my man.” He pounded on my shoulder in congratulations, making me scowl because I hated how he always freaking knew when I’d been with a woman.
I started to move around his annoying ass until he said, “I didn’t think you’d ever figure out little drummer chick was your Incubus shirt girl. Or wait, did she finally grow a pair and just fess up?”
Pausing, I blinked at him, trying to make sense of what the hell he’d just said. Finally, I shook my head. “What?”