He looked hesitant to leave as he eyed my door uncertainly. I’ll admit, the entrance to my apartment had seen better days. It could probably be broken through easily.
“Do you want me to look around inside before I go?” he asked.
“No.” Oh, hell no! “I have two roommates who often have their boyfriends over. Don’t worry, there would be too many people inside for him to break in unnoticed.”
Brandt nodded, seemingly relieved, and took a step back. “Well, then…I have a wife to get home to. Goodnight, Juli.”
“Night.”
I stood at the partially opened door and watched him go. He really was a nice guy, but I realized then it never would’ve worked between us.
Back when I’d been Team Brandt, I had thought about him when he wasn’t around, but I hadn’t really obsessed about him in his absence, and most of all, there was no way I’d ever feel comfortable enough to bicker and hiss and be rude to him. I suddenly realized I appreciated that very much about Colton. Not only did I love to express myself openly with my man, but he seemed to relish it, too.
It just worked for us.
Wishing he were here now, asleep in my bed so I could just climb in and curl up with him, I stepped inside and shut and locked the door behind me. When I reached up to hang my keys from the hook, I noticed a note from both of my roommates on the small whiteboard above the key rack. Both of them had decided to stay the night at their boyfriends’ places. Which left me all alone in the apartment.
The hair on my arms instantly lifted in dread, and my neck prickled with unease.
I was alone in my apartment, right?
Dammit, I hated getting the creepy crawlies.
Remembering the anger and retribution that had glowed in Shaun’s gaze when he’d glared at me in the nightclub, I flipped on the big overhead light, no longer worried about waking roommates. Then I grabbed my keys again, clutching them in stabber-position, as I walked through each room, lighting them up as I went.
Shaun was not in my apartment.
Certain I was alone, I backtracked to my room and plopped down on my bed, exhausted yet wired from the adrenaline rush.
Lying on my back, I stared up at my ceiling a few seconds and craned my head just enough to see my favorite dream catcher dangling from the wall directly above me.
When I’d been little, my father had told me it would keep the bad dreams away. But for me, it had also seemed to help nurture the good dreams. All of them had inspired a kind of hope inside me, goals for the future, something to look forward to and wish upon. For the longest time, those dreams had been pride-driven. I’d wanted to aspire to something to be proud of like a successful businesswoman. I’d wanted a life I could look back upon when I was old and gray and know I had worked hard for and deserved what I had. Even when I’d met and married Shaun once upon a time, m
y dreams had been about what kind of image I wanted to project with him.
I think that was why it hadn’t worked with us—well, aside from his temper and unfaithfulness—but from my part, I hadn’t thought of him and me as a team working together. We’d been two people with totally separate lives and agendas apart from each other. It was like he’d been someone to help me fill the image I’d wanted.
Looking back now, I realized that was all it had been: an image, not some real-life corporeal bond. There’d been no substance, nothing to really grab on to and dig my fingers into in order to keep us together. Maybe it had all been my fault then that we hadn’t lasted because I had viewed our relationship wrong. Then again, it was probably best I hadn’t because the guy was an ass, and spending the rest of my life with him would’ve made me miserable.
Besides, there was Colton now.
Colton.
My stomach swirled with excitement just thinking about him.
I hadn’t been with him long, but I already knew him better than I’d ever known Shaun. And it felt as if he’d already become a part of me, like... I don’t even know. I had no idea how to explain it. I just…my entire way of thinking had changed since meeting him. He made me view life and myself in an entirely new way.
Heck, I’d caught myself earlier deliberating what I was going to do when I graduated, and it no longer involved immediately leaving Ellamore to find a job, make a success of myself and show the world I was worth something. Now I kind of wanted to hang around and see if I could find something nearby because this was where Colton was. I was happy and content with him and didn’t care so much if I showed the world anything spectacular. I liked being happy and content better.
It kind of scared me how quickly all this had come about, and yet it also settled something in me. It felt as if I’d finally found my home.
Missing him, I grabbed my phone and scrolled up through our text message history, grinning fondly over his wit and playfulness. When I came to the line that said, “I love you too,” I paused, my chest full and heavy with joy.
I hadn’t seen him yet since we’d exchanged those words, and suddenly that seemed wrong.
Before I even realized what I was doing, I typed:
And then I pressed send before rethinking my decision, though I immediately bit my lip afterward, feeling awful for bothering him at nearly three in the morning. Maybe it wouldn’t wake him, and he wouldn’t see it until sometime midmorning tomorrow. That would be fine.