Once just the three of us were left in the room again, Julianna looked up at me. Her eyes were wide with fear as they sought reassurance.
“It’s okay,” I told her, kissing her forehead. “All that’s over now. You can sleep.”
“You’ll stay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Of course.”
Finally, feeling safe enough to close her eyes, she curled onto her side and tucked her hand up by her face. I swear she passed out a second later; she was that exhausted.
I sat there, still holding her hand and watched her sleep peacefully.
Then I stroked her hair, only for a chunk to come off in my hand. I gaped at the dark dried strands in horror before turning my attention back to the bald patch I’d just made.
“No.”
Someone had kidnapped her, imprisoned her, left her there to starve and freeze, then tried to rape and kill her, and she was fucking going to lose her hair on top of that? The fingernails she took such meticulous care of were already destroyed. Wasn’t that enough torture? Not her hair too.
That was a tipping point for me. I got pissed. More than pissed.
“Motherfucker,” I hissed.
That shit stain had taken three days of her life, filled her with a whole new batch of night terrors, and now he was making her hair fall out? I wanted to find his corpse and kill him all over again. I wanted to yell and break something. I wanted to cry and drink myself into oblivion.
Her entire life had just completely changed. That was all there was to it. She could never really be the same again.
Swiftly following my rage, the guilt came.
I didn’t think I’d ever hated myself as much as I did in that moment. Because this was all my fault. He never would’ve even met her if I hadn’t insisted we go out to eat that night. He never would’ve targeted her if I hadn’t gotten into that fight with him.
Why was I the only one she wanted near her now?
I didn’t deserve it.
This wasn’t the first time someone I cared for deeply had gotten hurt because of me, and it wasn’t the first time I’d been forgiven immediately as if I’d done nothing wrong.
It made me want to scream because I wanted to pay for my sins more than this. I was a fucking cancer. Loving me ended up hurting people. I should just—
A hand touched my shoulder, making me jump.
“I think you need to take a walk, kid.”
Looking up at Juli’s dad, I shook my head. “She asked me to stay.” Everything else I’d done had been wrong, the least I could do right was the one thing she’d asked of me: to stay with her.
But he didn’t look angry or irritated with me. He looked sympathetic.
“And you’re about to lose it,” he said softly. “So go take a break before she wakes up to you going hysterical.”
I really was on the brink of totally losing my shit. Her dad was right. No way could I have a breakdown in front of her. Curling my hands into fists, I stood. “I’ll be right back.” Then I left the room.
When I exited, however, I slowed to a stop when I saw so many familiar faces hanging out in the hallway, waiting for news.
Turning to Juli’s two roommates who approached first, I sent them a tired smile “The last few days have been a nightmare for her, but she’s going to be okay. She’s resting right now. Before she wakes up, do you think you could get a couple things from her apartment for me?”
They nodded. “Of course. Anything.”
I listed off the items I wanted them to bring back. The things I mentioned made them misty-eyed and earned me a hug before they took off.
Next came my family, who’d been anxiously hovering and waiting for their chance to check on me. They surged forward all at the same time.