I’d been trying to warn her here—she could get into all kinds of different trouble from hanging around me—and yet she was trying to make me look like some kind of selfless, noble martyr. Had she missed the part where I got paid to fuck people?
When the hell had I slipped in a rabbit hole where everything I thought to be true was backward?
“You’re…insane,” I murmured, not sure what else to say. Because it was either that, or I’d gone insane. But in a good way. I may not ever want my lucidity back if crazy was always like this.
Reese flashed me another one of her adorable nose-wrinkles. “Only on Thursdays.”
Okay, that was it. One genuine conversation with this girl and I think she owned me. I was hooked. I liked her crazy, her sass, her sweet, her perception, and even her ignorance. She was strange, and interesting, and fun, the perfect bit of escape from my morally depraved, life-sucking existence.
Momentarily forgetting all my worries, I ate another tomato, feeling lighter and brighter, just from being in her company. Everything that had been weighing me down just kind of took a back seat.
“So, you don’t give out freebies?” she asked in a conversational tone, as one might use if she wanted to borrow a pen. “Like ever?”
I stopped chewing, my mind going places I’m sure it shouldn’t, but there it went anyway. “Are you…asking for one?”
The scary part of that question was, I’d give her one. If she said yes, she wanted me, I would drop every bit of ethical beliefs I had left and I’d—
“What?” Her eyes went huge as she cried, “No! God, no.”
Well, okay then.
Ouch.
Her rejection was definitely for the best, but still. A simple no would have sufficed. She was the only girl I would’ve done this for, after all.
But then she glanced away, blushing, making me wonder if she was lying. Hope flared back to life inside me. Not that I actually wanted her to say yes, but it would’ve been nice if she secretly wanted me as much as I wanted her.
“I’m not—” She broke off abruptly, making me wonder what she’d almost said, before she forcefully repeated, “No! I’m not like that. I need to be in, you know, a committed, monogamous relationship, and…in love, and stuff, before I…I sleep with someone.”
In love.
Hearing her say those words made me jealous of anyone she’d ever slept with. I wondered what it would feel like for this girl to love me.
My curiosity—and, okay, some jealousy too—got the best of me. I eased closer. “Have you ever been in love?” I had to know.
She gaped at me. “Are you asking if I’m a virgin? Because I’m not—”
Whoa! What? I lifted my hands, instantly retracting. “That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Oh.” She relaxed, then cleared her throat and glanced away. “Well… I don’t… I’m not sure what I was, if it was stupid, too-young-to-know-better infatuation or what, but it definitely wasn’t love. And I’m not about to make the mistake of not knowing the difference ever again.”
That answer shouldn’t please me. She’d pretty much just confessed that some guy had hurt her, but all my stupid brain could compute was that she’d never given anyone else her heart. And so I heard myself saying, “Good,” before I could properly think my words through.
Reese gave me an odd look before blatantly changing the subject. “So, if it’s common knowledge around here that you’re really, you know, what you are, then how have you never been arrested before?”
“It’s not common knowledge. It’s a common rumor,” I corrected her, hating that she only wanted to talk about that, even as I felt a certain relief that—finally—I had someone I didn’t have to be so deceptive around. Plus, talking about it made it a blaring reminder that I could never have her. It was a good thing to keep out there in front of both of us, so I wouldn’t cross any lines.
Still. It bothered me how filthy and depraved she must think I was. Because I had done some pretty kinky shit I wasn’t exactly proud of, shit I wouldn’t have done unless someone was paying me a lot of money. Which… Probably only made me an even lower life form than before. Jesus.
“You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?” I asked, ready to move past the memories of every despicable thing I’d done in the name of paid bills.
And yet, Reese merely grinned as if this was all just entertainment to her. “Hey, it’s not every day I meet a gigolo.”
I choked on the tomato chunk I’d just taken a bite of, my eyes growing wide over how loudly she’d announced that.
With an apologetic wince, she hunched her shoulders and nearly wh
ispered, “Can you blame me for being curious? I have, like, a million questions. But… Only if you’re cool with answering them.”