Fat

“Elsa, honey, is that you?”

“Yeah.”

“Excellent. I’m experimenting with some quinoa. It’s really healthy, and it will help with your little weight problem—”

“Mom, do you love me?”

“Of course—”

“No, do you like the way I am, how I look, how I dress, how I weigh?” she asked.

“Honey, don’t do this.”

“I want to understand why I’m not good enough for you.”

“You are.”

“Really? You see, I don’t think I am good enough. I’ve just had a really great guy in my life, and I felt I had to keep him a secret because I wasn’t good enough for him. Every time I thought I was doing something great, you’d always come back to my weight. I’m even exercising in fucking secret because of you.”

“Elsa!”

“It’s not fair that I have to be like this. I hate it, Mom. I hate myself, and I hate you.” Turning on her heel, she walked out of the house, rushing to her car.

“Elsa, come back here.”

She ignored her mother and jumped into her car. She reversed out of the driveway and headed toward Kim’s. When she realized that would be the first place her mother would look, she made her way toward the local town, parked her car, and walked toward Noah’s house. He wanted space, but she really needed to talk to him.

If he sent her away, she’d understand. On the way toward his house, it started to rain, and by the time she got to his front door, she was already crying.

There was no sign of his parents, which she was thankful for.

Noah opened the door.

“Elsa, what the hell?”

“I’m really sorry. You deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me.” She turned to leave, but he caught her around the waist and pulled her into his home.

“You’re freezing.” He pushed her jacket off and walked her into his front room. Within seconds she was down to her underwear, and he had a blanket wrapped around her, rubbing her body in an attempt to warm her up.

“It was all supposed to be simple, you know? I was supposed to go to the gym, work out, and at the end of school, I’d be this new and improved person. I never expected to see you there, Noah. I didn’t think this would happen.” She wiped her eyes. “My mom doesn’t love me. Well, she probably does, but she doesn’t like me very much. She wants me to be slim, but I can’t be slim. I’m fat.”

“What have I told you about calling yourself that? You’re not fat. You’re beautiful.”

“I’m not blind. I look in the mirror.”

“Yeah, you are blind. I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of women naked.”

“Yeah, Jessica is one of them. I heard them talking in the toilet. They didn’t know I was there. I’ve never heard such horrible things. I really don’t know what guys see in them.”

“They’re easy, Elsa. No guy has to work hard to get in their pants.”

“Is that all guys think about, sex?”

“Elsa, we’re eighteen. We’re in our sexual prime. Believe me, we’re horny all the time. You’ve got to admit that you’re horny sometimes.”

She nodded. Around Noah she had felt it more times than she cared to imagine. She’d never known something so consuming before.

“I didn’t expect to fall for anyone, Elsa. I shouldn’t have left you alone at the gym, or run off. I don’t know. For the first time in my life, I actually feel something for someone else, and you want us to hide. I just want to tell everyone that we’re together.”

“You do?”

“I’m not ashamed of you. I’m not embarrassed to call you mine.” He cupped her cheek, running his thumb across her bottom lip. “As crazy as it sounds, I think I may even be in love with you.”

She gasped. “You love me?”

“Yeah, fucked up huh? We’ve wasted so much time.”

“How?”

“I could have had you since kindergarten.”

“Oh,” Elsa said. “Yeah, we did go to kindergarten together.”

“You’ve been in the background of my life for so long, and I’ve taken you for granted.” He kissed her lips. “What have you done to me, Elsa Quinn?”

“I’ve done nothing to you.”

She caressed his cheek, kissing him back.

“I’ve got a condom in my back pocket.” He lifted up and brandished the square foil packet. “We could have some fun.”

Elsa pushed the blanket off her, and pushed Noah to the sofa.

“First, are we going public with our relationship? I’m tired of being taken advantage of. You have your wicked way with me, and then I get tossed aside as if I don’t matter—”

“Shut up. You do matter.” She kissed his lips, sucking on the bottom one and using her teeth to create a little bite of pain. “We’re going to go public, but you may be laughed at.”

“I know how to use my fists.”