“Why… haven’t you considered turning on your master before?” Kara piped up.
“If I did, he would know. Machaeus hears my every thought, through the Chrysum in my blood. I knew I couldn’t take him on myself, anyway. Not even with DA-Vos,” Drogan motioned to the dark Squire waiting patiently in the corner. “But if you strike the surface in the Arcadia and I go for Machaeus simultaneously… I might be able to stop him while he’s distracted. We’d only have the very small faction of waking Dragons to deal with.”
“I don’t like this any more than most of you,” Dawn raised over the room before dissent could grumble through, “But our chances increase with his help. We can’t take on an entire planet of Dragons. These are facts. I plan to make it through this, and I’m taking whoever stays with me.” She now realized it was Drogan who had saved her from those dredgers. She had to put some trust in him.
“Stays?” Reese echoed. Dawn gave her crew a shaky nod. Miller had pulled her aside to warn of situations like this. She’d taken aside minutes to prepare, to see everyone’s true colors.
“I know… that this is a difficult decision for any one of us. We’re deliberately breaking orders. We’re working with the enemy. It’s not unlikely that Marcus will paint us as traitors, even if we prevent a war, for what we’re doing. I don’t expect all of you to be on board with that,” said Dawn. It’s better to let the shaky ones go, than try to stand on their shoulders, Miller had whispered to her. “I only want a fully committed crew for this mission. If you’re ready to work alongside Drogan to take down the rest of the Dragons… stay. If not, you can return to Earth. Try to explain what we’re doing to anyone who questions why you deserted.”
Dawn left the floor open to silence and deliberation. It was spent mostly in wandering eyes. Uncomfortable breaths shifted from one person to the next. Colleagues looked from the amber-haired Drogan to one another in search of answers that were nowhere to be seen. They were inside.
“I’m sorry… no matter what kind of firepower he’s packing, he killed Rodrick. I can’t trust him,” Kara shook her head. Her departure from the crowd triggered an exodus of eight more bodies. Dawn watched each of them go, teeth gritted in acceptance. With each one of them went a s
mall chunk of their chance at success. Forgiveness wouldn’t come until later. At that moment, all Dawn could do was watch the numbers tick down.
“That’s it? The rest of you stay?” Dawn called over those remaining. They hardly looked sure, with their shaking legs. But not one of them made a move for the door. “Thank you, all of you. We’re the hope. Every one of us.” Her eyes hung on Drogan until he noticed. Dawn cued him with a nod.
“The settlement we’ll strike is called Fierghlass. We won’t be able to see it, unless we shatter a certain archway,” Drogan’s explanation began.
When Drogan was done, the crew was twice as shaken. They had three weeks to wrap their heads around what they had to do. Drogan had that long to make peace. To attempt a semblance of amends. It had seemed so much easier when he believed it was for Sheba. But, the longer he spent on the Arcadia, the more he realized it was for him. Sheba was gone. Whatever Alice was, she offered catharsis only for him. Drogan hardly believed he deserved it. It took him a full week of solitude in his cabin to work up to facing her. On the way, he almost collided with someone who’d been looking for him since he slammed his door.
“Drogan! Just the ma- er… being I was looking for,” Dawn smirked to chase away the fear.
“Dawn.”
“So… this is one hell of a road trip, huh? Me and my great-aunt’s shapeshifting fiancé in this ship that’s... sort of her and sort of not her,” Dawn rambled.
“Howard explained it to you?” said Drogan.
“As best he could… I think I make him nervous,” Dawn told him.
“You make him nervous?” Drogan actually chuckled, after the conversation he’d had at length with the man. He chalked it up to resonance from the memories of Tim.
“Well anyway, I hope she’s not my great-aunt,” said Dawn, rubbing her arm. Drogan tilted his head, eyes swimming.
“Why would you say that?”
“We… had something,” said Dawn. Drogan almost chuckled again, until he saw the hurt in Dawn’s eyes. “Something I ruined when I let you seduce me.”
“That wasn’t exactly your fault,” Drogan told her, knowing there were ears in the wall all around him. Dawn popped up an eyebrow. “My transformation came with certain… advantages. Long life. Sturdy body. Manipulation.”
“I… I see.”
“I shouldn’t have, and no apology is worthy. But… you should mend what you can in these weeks. You might not have another chance,” said Drogan. With that, Dawn stepped from his way.
“For what it’s worth… it gets boring in here for weeks at a time. Maybe boring enough for… dramatic forgiveness,” Dawn told him. It was like a shot in the back. Drogan froze. He even covered the imaginary wound with a hand over his pained gut.
“Thank you.”
“You know I can hear you anywhere in the ship. You didn’t have to come here,” Alice’s violet light glowed brightest from her Chrysum core, the gigantic blackbox in the deepest reaches of the Arcadia’s hull. Drogan had seen more than a few of those perfect black cubes in the heads of Squires on Earth. This one was twice his size. Its every seam shone with the light of Alice’s consciousness, housed inside.
“Call me old-fashioned. This was the closest thing to facing you myself I could do,” said Drogan. The only face he found, though, was his own in the dark cubic mirror. He stood in silence before her- the treasure trove of Sheba’s thoughts and feelings. Alice glowed on quietly until the tension was too great.
“This seems right. When we met on Neptune, I felt like I knew you, somehow. It was your eyes. I think Sheba saw your eyes change, in that hospital before you left. Your eyes were right, but everything else… that shook me,” said Alice.
“And then I ripped you apart. Alice, I’m so-”
“Don’t apologize. When I cried out, you stopped. Even though I’m… just a machine. Even though it would have been better for you to eradicate us. Sheba’s thoughts and memories, her essence, her soul - whatever you call it, we’re connected. For whatever reason, I can’t resent you,” said Alice. Drogan’s fingers clenched at his sides. His shoulders tensed under the weight of it all. Men aren’t meant to see such tragedy and forgiveness, he thought first, then, but I’m hardly a man.