“Another reason I swore I would never cheat on anyone,” I say. “I know how bad it feels. There were things he said that, even to this day, make me second and third guess myself. I hate that he and other people who didn’t mean me well have had that much power in my life, but they have.”
“Banner, you don’t have to tell me all of this,” Jared says, anger in his frown and the flat line of his mouth. “It makes me want to find them all and pound their faces in. They’re blind and dumb.”
A tiny smile lifts the corners of my mouth, lifts my heart.
“That’s why I want to tell you.” I break my own rule and walk over to him. I stop a few inches shy of sharing body heat, but our stares heat up, igniting the space left between us. “There’s no difference in the way you looked at me, ten years and over fifty pounds ago, and the way you looked at me by the pool.”
“No,” he agrees, the timber of his voice deeper and richer the closer I come. “You were incredible then, and you’re magnificent now. I’ve never met another woman like you, and I liked you from the first day of class.”
“I know.” I nod then shake my head. “It was impossible to believe at first, but I know. That’s why I bought Prescott’s prank so easily. It made more sense, when the truth didn’t. That you—”
“Wanted you,” he interrupts softly.
“Yes.” I hesitate and study the brick red polish on my toes for a second. “After the things my ex had said and done, things that had been said all my life, it was hard to believe someone like you wanted me.”
“But I did.” He bridges the space separating us, reaching over to push a swathe of wet hair over my shoulder and cupping my neck. “I do. A lot.”
He tugs me by my neck gently but firmly enough to pull me closer until my breasts, through the robe, brush his naked chest. I can’t resist touching him, tracing the hard muscles and brushing the stiff nipples with the tips of my fingers. His sharply indrawn breath doesn’t stop me now that I’ve started. I round my hands on his shoulders, caressing the taut skin with my palms.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whisper, my hands addicted to the feel of him.
“It’s only a shell,” Jared says, his words seductive, his breathing more erratic. “I’ll crack it open for you and pour everything out.”
He slides the hand at my neck down to my shoulder, caressing the nakedness inside the robe.
“See. This is what I was afraid of,” I say with a raspy chuckle. I step away from his hand, away from his perfectly sculpted chest and abs. “I had so many things I wanted to say.”
“And then can we fuck?” Jared asks, impatient passion nipping at his words.
His coarse words may as well be a couplet, a sonnet, an ode considering how they make me feel. The consistency of how he wants me, how it never fluctuates, makes me want him more. More than the ridged terrain of his torso. More than the water-darkened gold hair curling at his neck or the stormy-sea blue eyes and rugged masculine beauty of his face.
“Almost,” I laugh and run my fingers nervously through my damp hair. “I shared all of that to say I’ve always been inhibited about my body. I’ve gotten better. Counseling and, I guess, living, maturing, becoming more confident. All of it has helped.”
I grin up at him.
“And, no, the lights don’t have to be off anymore.”
A slow smile spreads across his lips, and his eyes still glow hot but are solemn.
“I have disciplines,” I tell him. “Things I do to keep myself in a routine and consistent with my health goals. I count points. I work out. I have my apps.”
I look at him as I tug at the belt of my robe.
“At least once a day, I look at myself completely naked.”
Jared’s hooded gaze scours my body, covered nearly head to toe in white terry cloth.
“Seeing you naked every day doesn’t sound like much of a hardship,” he says, voice braided with lust. “Sounds like my fantasy, actually.”
I pause, my fingers caressing the soft fabric, my eyes caressing his face.
“The first time we made love,” I say, resuming the work of my fingers at my waist. “I made you turn the lights off.”
Jared’s glance latches onto my waist, following the simple movements of my fingers.
“This time I want you to see me.” I force the words past the anxious knot in my throat. “Not because I’m perfect—I’m still not—but because I trust you to want me just as I am.”
Jared’s hand covers mine at the belt of the robe. The other hand reaches up to cup my cheek, and his eyes lock with mine.