I open my mouth, ready to dive in, not even sure what I’ll say, but needing to make her feel better. Dr. Packer catches my eyes, offering a subtle shake of her head.
“Why sad?” she probes.
“Everything keeps changing,” Simone whispers, a frown gathering over her troubled eyes. “And I just want it to be how it used to be when my mom and dad were together.”
When I meet Bridget’s eyes, they hold the hint of the smugness I expect, but there’s also helplessness. Hurt. Guilt. I want to scream “You did this!” But the more distance I have between our marriage and our current situation, the more I gain perspective. I know Bridget isn’t to blame for everything. I wasn’t the best husband. Hell, on the road three quarters of every year, I wasn’t always the best father. I share that guilt in Bridget’s eyes.
“Marriages don’t always last,” Dr. Packer says. “But family does.”
Simone’s bottom lip quivers. “How long was Grandpa married to Grandma, Daddy?”
The question is a foul ball, errant, flying over the fence and landing in the middle of the conversation. All the emotions I’ve carefully suppressed bob to the surface at the mention of my father. I look to Dr.
Packer for guidance and her quick nod encourages me to answer.
“Uh, they were married forty years,” I reply.
“Did you think you’d be married to Mommy that long?” Simone asks, her eyes intense, bright, scouring my face like a searchlight.
“I thought I’d be married to your mom the rest of my life, Moni.” I slant a look at Bridget’s increasingly strained expression. “I took my wedding vows very seriously.”
“So did I,” Bridget says, her words curt. “Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I didn’t value our vows.”
I don’t answer because this isn’t the time to rehash my past with Bridget, but to acclimate Simone to my future with Lotus.
“You were gone so much,” Bridget mutters.
God, if that woman burps she finds a way to blame me for it.
“That still doesn’t excuse . . .” I smother the words and my anger before continuing. “It’s behind us now. We both made mistakes and it’s time we moved on.”
“Are you gonna leave me if I make a mistake, too?” Simone twists her fingers into an anxious knot in her lap.
“Never.” I reach over and gently tilt her face until she looks at me. “I won’t ever leave you, Moni.”
“What’s the difference?” she whispers, glaring. The daggers in her eyes stab my heart, and I struggle to keep my voice even while I’m bleeding inside.
“I can’t undo my blood in your veins,” I tell her. “You’re part of me and nothing can make me not your father.”
“But the divorce made Mommy not your wife,” she says, her eyes shiny and the same exact shade of begging blue as her mother’s. “You can’t forgive her?”
I look past Simone to catch Bridget’s alert stare, and then to Dr. Packer.
“Tell her, Kenan,” Dr. Packer says.
“I don’t know, honey,” I reply honestly, shrugging. “I’m sure I’ll forgive her one day, but we won’t ever be married again. It’s not going to happen.”
“Because of her,” Simone says, her voice carrying a bitter edge. “You’re so busy with Lotus that—”
“Simone, don’t,” I warn, as close to sharp as I’ll be, keeping my voice gentle, but not having it. “You know your mother and I were apart long before I met Lotus.”
“So you’re already in love with her, or what?” Simone scoffs, but her bravado doesn’t hide the hurt and fear.
“I care about her a lot. We’re in a relationship. I think you’d really like—”
“Are we done?” she cuts me off, jerking her glance to Dr. Packer.
“We actually have a few more minutes.” Dr. Packer glances at her watch. “But we’re almost finished and—”