Queen Move

Mama grins and transfers the string beans from the sink into a pot. “Ruth and I always thought you two would find your way. I thought we had ruined it, but I guess fate had other ideas.”

My laugh is bitter, hollow. “Fate has a sick sense of humor.”

“Explain,” Mama says, frowning.

“After all these years we finally found our way back to each other at just the right time when he’s free, but his ex is now pregnant and I’m in perimenopause.”

“Pregnant?” Mama searches my face. “What are you going to do?”

“He’s on his way here. Aiko was going to the doctor, so he should know now if it’s his or not.” I slump against the counter. “Mama, if it’s his, I can’t do it. I can’t watch her carry his baby while I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have one. Congressman Ruiz’s campaign is my first truly solo, without Lennix. I want to get this right. I have to. I hope Ruiz would make a difference for people here in Georgia who need help. It’s gonna be the fight of my life.”

“Do you love him?” Mama asks softly.

I close my eyes, not wanting to answer that. Not having to. My heart answers for me, pounding Ezra’s name into my chest. “Yes.”

“This happened before you and Ezra got together?”

“Yes, but what if…”

A million what ifs crowd my mind and poison my soul.

If anyone gets hurt when things go south, it’ll be you.

Mona was so right. This is about as south as things could go, and if I

lose Ezra, the hurt will be unbearable.

“It sounds like you don’t want right now,” Mama says. “But you do want forever.”

“That about sums it up. If there’s any forever left when this is over.”

“When it comes to love, some messes take longer than others to clean up.” Mama’s smile is wise. “Believe me—I know.”

Chapter Forty-Six

Ezra

It’s just a slip of paper, but my hand trembles holding it.

“God, I forgot about these,” Aiko says, popping a large pill and chasing it with water. “You’ll have to remind me to take them. Remember with Noah I couldn’t ever remember my pre-natals?”

“Yeah,” I say, my fingers, my voice numb. “That was a long time ago. They have apps now to remind you.”

She crosses around the counter to the kitchen table where I sit holding the ultrasound. On the flimsy paper, a little form floats in its own starless galaxy. At the very bottom, tracking its orbit, are the letters and numbers that sink my heart.

7w2d.

Seven weeks. Two days.

The baby’s mine. Any life that is just beginning deserves some celebration, but today, right now, it feels like my life is over.

At least my life with Kimba.

“I need to go out.” I stand to leave.

“Out?” Aiko takes another sip of water.

I don’t answer but gather my keys from the dish on the counter.