Fear, the acronym for ?fuck everything and run,? he thought sadly. That had been the history of his young life. And still was.
He punched his wife?s cell phone number into the console on his desk.
?Nick?? her voice said through the speakerphone.
?Where are you?? he said.
?Still at the mall. We?re about to have lunch.?
?Drop the kids at the country club and come home. We?ll pick them up later.?
?What is it? Don?t lie to me, either.?
?I need to show you where some things are.?
?What things? What are you talking about??
?Come home, Esther.?
After he hung up, he wondered if his need was as naked as it sounded. He sat in a deep, stuffed leather chair and rested his forehead on his fingertips. It had been raining the night he met Esther twenty-three years ago. She was waiting for the streetcar under the steel colonnade at the corner of Canal and St. Charles Avenue, in front of the Pearl, where she worked as a night cashier after studying all day in the practical nursing program at UNO. There were raindrops in her hair, and in the neon glow of the restaurant?s windows, she made him think of a multicolored star in a constellation.
?There?s a storm blowing off Lake Pontchartrain. You shouldn?t be out here,? he had said to her.
?Who are you?? she replied.
?I?m Nick Dolan. You heard of me??
?Yeah, you?re a gangster.?
?No, I?m not. I?m a gambler. I run a cardroom for Didoni Giacano.?
?That?s what I said. You?re a gangster.?
?I like ?white-collar criminal? better. Will you accept a ride from a white-collar criminal??
She had on too much lipstick, and when she twisted her mouth into a button and fixed her eyes speculatively on Nick?s, his heart swelled in a way that made him take a deep breath.
?I live Uptown, just off Prytania, not far from the movie theater,? she said.
?That?s what I thought. You are definitely an Uptown lady,? he said. Then he remembered his car was in the shop and he had taken a cab to work. ?I don?t exactly have my car with me. I?ll call a cab. Could I borrow a dime? I don?t have any coins.?
It was 1:26 P.M. when Nick heard Esther pull into the driveway and unlock the front door. ?Where are you?? she called.
?In the office.?
?Why are you sitting in the dark?? she said.
?Did you lock the front??
?I don?t remember. Did you go somewhere last night? Did you get into some trouble? I looked at the car. There?re no dents in it.?
?Sit down.?
?Is that a gun?? she said, her voice rising.
?I keep it in the desk. Esther, sit down. Please. Just listen to me. Everything we own is in this file case. It?s all alphabetized. We have a half-dozen equity accounts at Vanguard, tax-free stuff at Sit Mutuals, and two offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands. All the treasury bonds are short-term. Interest rates are in the dumps right now, but by next year gas prices will drive bonds down and rates up, and there?ll be some good buys out there.?
?I think you?re having a nervous breakdown.?