“Do you understand?” Papa shouts.
My movements are jerky as my head bobs up and down.
I understand that Papa killed Mama.
I return from hell with a shuddering breath, and my eyes focus on Demitri’s concerned face.
He didn’t just say what I think he did.
Demitri knows my past.
“Not once did I force, Isabella. And let’s not forget the attraction was there before she lost her memory,” I bite the words out. “I lied about one thing. Don’t make it sound like I fucking held her here against her will, tied her to my bed, and fucking raped her.”
My body begins to tremble uncontrollably from my temper shooting into outer-fucking-space, and my breaths speed up.
Demitri takes a step back, realization flickering in his eyes. “I never said that. Calm down.” The concern quickly deepens on his face. “That’s not what I meant.”
Not able to think straight, I walk away before doing something I’ll regret and blindly head out of the house.
“Alexei!” Demitri shouts behind me.
Climbing into one of the SUVs, I start the engine, and then I floor the gas, fishtailing it out of the driveway.
I push the SUV as fast as it will go while everything in me trembles as if a fucking earthquake is ripping through me.
Is that how Isabella feels?
Is that how she sees it?
I didn’t.
I wouldn’t.
Only when I bring the SUV to a skidding stop do I realize where I am. I shove the door open and walk up the trail until I reach the top of the cliff, and then I sink to my knees.
‘Close your eyes,’ I hear my mother whisper.
Lifting my hand to my chest, I grip the fabric over my heart as unbearable pain rips through me.
Our mother was a sex slave, and when she was done giving birth to Carson and me, my father shot her like she was nothing more than a sick dog that had to be put out of its misery. All because she tried to escape. My father saw it as a betrayal.
It was the first death I witnessed, and I was the last thing she saw.
At seven years old, I was old enough to understand what happened. Luckily Carson was too young to remember anything about her. I’ve protected him from it all his life.
And when I turned twenty-one, I killed my father.
These are my darkest secrets only Demitri knows. The skeletons in my closet, demanding I live by a strict code of honor.
We don’t force women.
This is why I fucking hate Sonia more than anything. It’s why I’m willing to die as long as I take her with me.
My body shudders as I bend over, my fingers grasping at the grass beneath me.
If Isabella feels that I violated her, then there’s no way I’ll ever get her back.
The thought tears mercilessly through my heart, and when it’s done shredding it to pieces, it moves onto my soul.
Because that’s how deeply I love her.
I begin to shake my head, refusing to accept the possibility that she won’t be able to forgive me, that I’m no different from my father.
Christ. No.
I begin to gasp for air as the most profound ache seizes my chest.
Fuck.
I suck in a strangled breath and slam a fist into the ground, and then the first tear falls, and it feels as if it’s coated in my mother’s blood, leaving a trail of betrayal over my cheek.
I’m sorry.
I’m so fucking sorry.
Hearing footsteps behind me, I dart up and spinning around, it’s only to see Demitri walking toward me.
When he stops in front of me, he takes hold of my shoulder and pulls me into an embrace. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. Don’t even think that.”
I suck in a painful breath of air. “What if that’s how she feels? Then I’m no better than him.”
Demitri shakes his head hard, tightening his arms around me. “You didn’t force yourself on Isabella. Just take a moment and calm down. You can’t think clearly when you lose your shit.”
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s hard to calm down.
Closing my eyes, I listen to my friend. I focus on taking deep breaths.
“You’re a good man,” Demitri murmurs.
I nod, taking another deep breath.
“You’re nothing like your father.”
Bringing my arms up, I grab hold of Demitri, the ghosts of the past refusing to let go of me.
“You’re nothing like your father,” Demitri repeats.
I shake my head, just trying to even out my breathing.
Demitri pulls back and placing his hands on the sides of my neck, his eyes lock with mine. “Listen to me, Alexei. You didn’t force Isabella. Yes, you lied, but you didn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to.”
I just stare at the only person who truly knows me.
Then he continues, “You’re a good man. I wouldn’t risk my life for you if you weren’t.” I lower my eyes from Demitri’s, but then he says, “You have my loyalty and love because you are nothing like your father. The day you killed him, I vowed to be your custodian because I knew there wasn’t a man alive more deserving of my protection than you.”
I nod, swallowing hard on the turbulent emotions inside me. Turning away from Demitri, I focus my eyes on the ocean.
He moves in next to me, and then silence falls between us as he gives me time to push the past back into the shadows.
I didn’t force Isabella.
Slowly, I blink as I cling to the thought for the sake of my sanity.