Canon looked from me to the packaging on the floor next to us, then back down to the dildo. “Who in their right minds would buy this?”
“That’s a good question, and the purchaser’s obviously not in her right mind.”
During my response, he’d dropped his hands to his hips, and seeing the dildo hanging limply next to his hip, I had to fight back the laughter that wanted to burst out of me.
“Explain.”
“I bought Dariah Crocs as a joke. I thought she’d find it as funny as I did, but she didn’t.”
It was well known in our family that Crocs had no place in any of our lives. After the last embarrassing story she’d told Canon, I’d vowed to get her back, and Crocs had been the most obvious way. I’d even had them personalized with her full name down the sole and cute little badges on the front.
“So, she bought you an offensive weapon?”
“Looks like it.”
With the way he was gritting his teeth, I made a mental note to make an appointment with the dentist for him. I’d already taken over doing his laundry from Gloria, so what would one dental appointment hurt?
“Jacinda?” he finally asked, the muscles in his jaw working overtime.
On most men, that move would once have had me taking a step back, but with Canon, that was the last thing on my mind to do. There was no way in hell he’d ever hurt me, and I knew that as sure as I knew my full name.
“Yes?”
“I think I need to go to the ER.” He pointed at his leg where Damian was hanging on for dear life, making me wince.
“Jesus, how deep in your leg are his claws?” Squatting down, I tried to get him to release, but he was adamant the only choices today were death and death. “He woke up this morning and chose violence. What’s his problem?”
“I don’t know, but if he doesn’t let go, I’ll hit him with this.” He wiggled the dildo around, but I knew it was an empty threat. This man wouldn’t hurt a woman or a kitten, no chance in hell.
Finally, after running to get his treats and shaking them right next to his head, I got Damian to release his hold on Canon’s leg. Leaving him with some to eat while we went out, I put the dildo on the coffee table and went to help him out to the car.
“We’re not taking your car,” he clipped, using the hand he had on the base of my spine to steer me toward his truck—the new one.
Jarrod had managed to get my old car running for a short period, but after it had gotten stuck in second gear, I’d been given the keys to his refurbished Ford until my new car had been delivered.
It’d been the best and most stressful driving experience of my life. If anyone came within five feet of it, I’d screamed and prayed for us not to collide. I’d literally cried with relief as I’d passed the keys back to him, so I can’t say this move disappointed me like it once would have.
“Why can’t we take mine?”
“Because my knees end up rubbing my nipples. That car isn’t made for someone who’s six-foot-five.”
He had a point. I was over a foot shorter than him, and even I felt cramped in it sometimes. But I loved the Mini, and I was a creature of habit.
Not arguing, I went to get into the passenger side of his truck and frowned when he caught me by the arm and nodded toward the driver’s side. “You’re driving.”
“What? Why?”
Pulling the collar of his shirt to the side, he pointed at his collarbone. Squinting at it through the dim light the streetlights were giving us, I tried to figure out what I was seeing.
“Because I’m not entirely sure this feels like it’s in the right place.”
That’s when it hit home why it didn’t look like anything I recognized. His collarbone was sort of poking out slightly, and there was a more pronounced lump at the end of it.
Covering my mouth with my hand, I did my best not to scream. “I broke your collarbone with the Jurassic Poke?”
“Jacinda—”
“I broke your fucking neck with a gigantic dildo that wouldn’t fit inside anyone’s vagina, at least, not a normal sized one. Maybe if you worked on it over time, you could get it in there, but I have a mortal sized one. There’s no way it’d fit.”
“Baby, it’s fine. You didn’t know it was me, and when the lights went out, you got a fright like most people would. It was an accident.”
“I’m so fucking sorry,” I whispered, doing my best not to cry. “I can’t believe I broke you with a weapon of mass vaginal destruction.”
“Don’t make me laugh, it’ll make it hurt even more. Now, it was an accident, these things happen—”