As we walked out of the office, both of us numb, I tried to think of what to say. Yes, I’d been scared, but part of me had held out hope she’d be one of the rare cases who carried a baby to term, and we’d all live happily ever after.
It wasn’t until we got home that she broke down. Jacinda got as far as sitting down on the couch before the first sob burst out of her.
Picking her up and putting her on my lap, I wrapped my arms around her and tried to take away her pain.
“I kn-knew i-it was a r-r-remote chance, but I-I wanted the b-baby so much.”
I couldn’t stop my own tears. It felt like we were mourning something we’d never had and never have a chance at having, either.
That night, I held her close, refusing to go to sleep in case she woke up and needed me. With every sniffle that came out of her in her sleep, my resolve deepened, and my plans got better. By the time she woke up, I was waiting for her.
Jacinda
“Open your eyes, baby,” that voice I loved so much said softly.
Blinking them open, I tried to remember if I’d gone out drinking last night, but as I felt how swollen they were, it all came back to me.
I wasn’t pregnant. I’d never been pregnant, and likely never would be.
I refused to cry for another day. I couldn’t put myself or Canon through that. Then again, that’s what private time was for. No one could hear you crying when you were in the shower, so that’s where I’d let my grief out until it was easier to accept.
Something glinted in front of me, making me cover my eyes. “What’s that?”
“I was going to give you this next week while we were in the Bahamas. Last night, I did a lot of thinking, and the fact I’m wasting time by setting dates in the future pissed me off. So, I’m asking you now.”
What was he asking?
“What are you talking about, honey?” I got up on one arm and squinted at him, smiling when I saw his mischievous grin. I loved that smile so much.
“This.” He looked pointedly at where his finger was extended.
Following where he was looking, I froze when I saw it. A diamond ring. A freaking beautiful diamond ring with tiny pink ones running down the band on either side of the diamond, whose carats would be certified as ‘big fucking ones.’
“That better be an engagement ring,” I breathed. “You don’t taunt a woman with a ring like that and make it a promise ring.”
“Like I need a ring to promise anything to you,” he scoffed. “Of course it’s an engagement ring.”
It felt like all of the saliva had been removed from my mouth. Maybe it was the crying?
“You want to marry me?”
Canon looked at me like I was nuts. “Jacinda, don’t you know, I fell in love with a woman who looked scared of her shadow when I first saw her. Then she played me like a pro and left me desperate for even the tiniest glimpse of her that I could get. You avoiding me became a frustrating game, but it made me realize how beautiful it’d be if I could just get you to give me a chance.”
“Yeah, and I fucked it up.”
“No,” he sighed, “you made us stronger by showing us how it’d feel to be without each other. You may even have saved us because how do you know what it feels like to miss something if you don’t get the chance to? I knew I loved you, but until then, I didn’t know how much.”
That was a good point.
“You really want to spend the rest of your life with me?” I checked, reaching out to touch the ring and pulling my hand back at the last second.
“Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”
“More than anything in the world. When I messed it all up after our first night together, I felt like part of me was missing.”
Winking at me, he slid the ring slowly up my finger until it was at the base. “There’s one condition attached to that ring, though, baby, and I need you to think about it before we get coffee.”
He had my undivided attention. Not even Damian licking where his balls used to be behind him could distract me.
“Name it.”
“When the time’s right, we’ll revisit the possibility of us having kids.” As I opened my mouth, my heart beating rapidly, he shook his head. “Not like that. There are lots of avenues available to us, but I was thinking about fostering or adoption.”
Last night I’d gone to sleep, sure that the something I’d never thought I’d have but in a matter of hours had wanted so much, was lost to me forever. Now, this wonderful man was handing me all of my dreams at once, even the ones that were new to me.