I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t go through it again.
Losing anyone in my life that meant the world, meant my existence, and in such a short time, everything pointed to her, to her essence, to the make of who she was, and I couldn’t separate the fact that I needed to be Alpha, needed to be Wolf King in order to unite us with the fact that I had to do it with her by my side.
My only weakness.
Vulnerability.
My greatest and most valuable risk.
Her lips were red then, like she’d just chewed her lower lip, thinking of the way I’d done the same a few minutes before, and I selfishly wondered if she thought of me, of the way I tasted her, of the way I spread her legs wide and licked her core like she was my own personal meal.
Of the way I pierced her skin.
The blood trickling into my mouth.
The way I owned her.
Marked her.
I gripped her hips again as she moaned and knew I would never linger when it came to claiming her, to wanting her, because she was in my blood, my soul. I just had to know she would be safe.
She had to be safe.
Every single old fear I’d ever harbored floated to the surface in a wave of anxiety that crushed my spirit, my soul.
I kissed her brow and quietly got up and went downstairs to think.
I had to be away from her because with her, all I saw was her.
By the time I made it into the living room I knew my thoughts were not private, that Cassius knew my fear. He was sitting by the fire looking like he had a lot on his mind, on his soul, the way mine was heavy.
“You’re up late.” I took a seat.
Without flinching, he said, “I don’t sleep much anymore.” His eyes were grave as he looked at me and then back at the fire. “Fear is not welcome here.”
I hung my head. “I haven’t known true fear until this moment in time.”
“Fear will only breed hate,” he said gravely.
“Hate?” I paced in front of him. “I don’t understand.”
He stood, and his eyes flashed white before he said quickly, “Not now you don’t, but you will.”
He disappeared in a flash of light, and I was left in front of the crackling fire place wondering if everything would ever feel safe again.
If anything would feel normal.
Or if I was cursed to feel the weight of the universe on my shoulders right along with its secrets.
I never understood the sheer horror at knowing the secrets around me, the way the earth moaned and ached for the angels to return home almost as much as they themselves ached.
My chest was in a constant state of pain, and I now knew why.
It was the same aching pain the Watchers felt on a daily basis.
Passed down to me.