“I’m not trying to hurt her,” he starts to yell.
But then he too visibly decides to calm down. When he speaks next, his reasonable tone matches mine. “She asked me if you were going to marry Geoff instead of me. Because she saw him try to kiss you when she was on the stairs.”
My stomach drops. “She saw that? But—”
“I know,” he says before I can explain what really happened. “Geoff and I had words…after I punched him. And he told me you told him to kick rocks. But O2 said something else that got to me. She said she wanted me to be her Dream Dad, and in her dreams I actually spent time with her. She said that was the nicest thing about Geoff’s visit. That he ate breakfast with her and asked her questions—like Uncle Phantom does with his kids. I guess that’s something she always wanted for herself.”
“She told you that?” I fret my hands, and the guilt I’ve been carrying since O2’s birth twists in my stomach. “As a single mom, I wanted to be everything for my daughter. I tried to be everything for her. But I guess there were some holes I just couldn’t fill. But I’ll talk to her. I’ll explain that you’re not that kind of dad.”
“Or you could let me fill the holes you can’t,” he says, looking down at his own hands. “I want to do that for her. I want to be a dream dad.”
He raises his eyes to meet mine. “I’m not using her—I just want to be a good dad. And the thing is, I don’t know how to do that, exactly, but this week she’s been helping me figure it out.”
His words...they’re beautiful. But I’m so confused.
“You want to be a good dad now,” I repeat. “What happened to not wanting to be someone’s eighteen-year child support check?”
He shrugs and throws me a blasé smile. “You never asked for child support—even when you really needed it. I guess that changed my mind. Good job, Red.”
He’s joking, but I don’t laugh.
I hold his gaze until the humor fades from his eyes. Then, I inform him, “You don’t go from monster who’s willing to kidnap a little girl for revenge and a CEO position to wanting to be a good dad overnight.”
He shifts uncomfortably and lifts in his seat as if he’s thinking about running from this conversation. But then he resettles.
“The thing is, I used to be like O2. I used to hug people and stay optimistic, even when bad shit was going down. I loved my family, and yeah, they weren’t perfect, but they were mine. And after my mom got full custody and moved us to California, instead of getting bummed about it, I tried to be the one thing not going wrong in the life that wasn’t turning out the way she wanted it to. I guess you could say I was trying to be her Dream Kid. But then she started drinking on another level. Calling me names…”
We’re at a kitchen table in a beautiful house, drinking coffee. But he shivers and lets out a pained breath like we’re in a dark basement. “Child support check.”
He looks sightlessly out the kitchen’s window. “That’s what my mom called me. To my face. She said that was the only reason she fought for full custody. She was kind of mean when she got drunk. But I kept trying…”
A smile ghosts across his lips, like he’s attempting to find this amusing but can’t quite pull it off. “I kept trying to be a Dream Kid. I took care of her. Cooked for her. Kept the apartment clean and my grades up. Kicked the guys she brought home out of our apartment when she was done with them. But it wasn’t enough. She asked my father for a lump sum alimony and child support payment. He thought he was getting a good deal, but he’s the one who ended up screwed. The final check cleared, and she bounced back to France—that’s where she’s from. She left me with my dad—like I was a dog she needed to re-home. Basically destroyed that kid who used to be like O2. I was pissed. Too pissed off. And instead of stepping up, my dad sent me away to the first of a lot of boarding schools. After that, I vowed that parent-child support check thing would never be me—on either side of the equation.”
He finally meets my eyes. “So the child support thing, it wasn’t about you—or even the hypothetical kid. It was about me. Finding out about O2 didn’t just make me mad. It scared me shitless. Because the truth is, I don’t know how to be a Dream Dad. Or even a decent parent. So I’m just doing stuff with her, and letting her lead, and hoping that’s enough to not fuck this up.”