Every day is like experiencing a sword across my heart stealing my soul with it, but I am the one who left.
I am the one who will have to do the hard thing.
I grip my sword when I hear her scream
Everyone rushes to her tent.
My knuckles go white as I wait, holding my breath.
Minutes turn to hours.
And then a loud wail is heard.
I almost fall to my knees.
He is alive.
He is well.
I have at least given her these few minutes with this child, and now I must go and do what is right.
Tears continue to fall as I walk. I don’t ask him, but Bannik comes with me as we trek down the mountain and near her tent.
Both of our swords are pulled.
This is my fault.
This is my fault.
His darkness will forever be my fault. What sort of life will I leave him? What sort of suffering when nothing has been born like this—ever?
I enter the tent and lock eyes first on my child and then on Nephal. The child wails a bit more then quiets.
He looks exactly like me with dark hair and bright blue eyes. He’s half, you can tell in the golden swirl of his skin and the way he still needs his mother but looks ready to take over the world as a warrior. His hands touch her skin, and immediately she cools.
Gifts. How has the darkness been given gifts?
Bannik tenses next to me and then utters, “I cannot kill our flesh.”
“He is…” I swallow down my emotions as best I can. “He is part of us.”
I fall to my knees next to Nephal and kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
“He’s beautiful.” She looks up at me, sweat covering her forehead though she felt cool. “He’s beautiful like his father.”
I kiss her mouth as Bannik looks on.
The moment is soon broken when a great thunder sounds. It’s not coming from my brothers nor the mountain.
Bannik sighs. His eyes are heavy; I feel the sad beat of his heart. “They’re here…” His way of saying.
The heavens know.
I stand to my full height, wondering if this means war, wondering if this means condemnation, death, but knowing I will protect my son as is my duty regardless of what rights I have.
As if the sun has fallen to the earth, a legion of angels land in the middle of the village, shining bright with gold and silver armor. The archangels join the first part of the ranks. I look away from Gabriel, just like I cannot bear to lock eyes with Uriel.
My brothers now know both my pride and my shame, for I am now fallen.
The rest of the angelic fleet fans out around the tent, golden swords in hand, ready for battle. The two hundred of us are no match for the heavenly guard, and yet my brothers, all one hundred and ninety-eight of them, begin to march down the mountain to stand by my side.
I know they feel my pain as if it is their own.
I know they truly do not have a choice now.
Because I made mine, they now must stand alongside me, even if that means being cast out forever.
It is their last march.
It will be our death. I feel pride that they march down when they could have easily kept watch of the mountain and looked away as we’ve done so many years before.
But today, they march for me.
They march for my son.
Nephal is attempting to stumble out of the tent. I wrap an arm around her protectively while hovering over our child.
“Cassius,” I whisper. “We will name him Cassius.”
Nephal nods, tears stream down her face.
“Creation is forbidden,” Uriel says in a booming voice. “What, dear brother, have you done?”
Bannik stands tall at my side, hand on his sword.
Uriel holds out his hands. “We did not come to fight. We refuse to fight our own blood. We came to pass judgment, but what are we to do with a young child? Innocent in ways of the world? Innocent in ways of humanity and immortals alike?”
I stand to my full height. “I could not…” I lose my voice and try again. “This is my sin, but I cannot punish him for it. I could not. Nor will I.”
“Nor would it be asked of you,” Uriel fires back, his eyes blazing like fire. “Children will always be protected…” He sighs. “But this child or any born in this way will forever be cursed.” Uriel’s blazing eyes deepen to black. “He will carry a darkness, and every day it will try to consume him over and over again. If he gives in, he will be killed. We will have no choice, for he has the knowledge of the heavens and the power to command at will. If he gives in to the darkness, there will be no saving him from himself, for he will be pure evil.”