Well, he’d had time alone. Days of it!
Stomach unsettled at the notion of finally facing up to her dad for the first time since he’d learned the truth about her, Ari had to force herself to chase after him into the thicket of woods. To her surprise, he had stumbled to a stop in the same spot she’d told Charlie the truth about her heritage. Twisted coincidence, she thought wryly, exhaling as she circled him.
Her dad frowned ferociously. “I told you I needed some time alone.”
“You’ve had time, Dad. Lots of it. Why did you come here?”
He shrugged, looking lost. “I used to come here a lot after my parents died. It seemed to be the only quiet place in town.”
Ari came to an abrupt halt, his admission surprising her to her very core. He’d never spoken about his parents willingly before. He seemed to notice her shock and smiled unhappily. “Yeah. Mom and Dad.” He slumped onto a nearby log and for the first time, Ari noticed the little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and touches of gray in his hair that hadn’t been there before. When his eyes seized hold of her, she froze under his gaze, unsettled by the unbearable sadness in them. “My dad wasn’t around much when I was a kid and when he was, he was always drunk. My mom was a quiet woman, meek even, and she couldn’t cope with my father’s behavior. So she shut everyone out, including me. I raised myself. You know my dad was drunk when he was driving the car that killed them both?”
A soft gasp escaped her before she could stop it. “No, I didn’t know that.” You never told me.
Shaking a little, her dad shrugged and then shoved a hand through his hair, pulling it back in frustration before sinking into a deeply weary slump. “I never knew how to be in a family, Ari. I never had that. It was always just me. And I didn’t know how to create one. Or if I even wanted to. Sala was the first woman I ever loved.” Ari straightened at the mention of her mysterious mother.
“What was she like?”
“You look a lot like her. But it wasn’t just her beauty that drew me to her… she was fun and passionate and she believed in the impossible. Being around her was like being on the ultimate high all the time. I was addicted to her, even though she was always coming in and out of my life whenever she felt like it. When I tried to ask her where she went when she wasn’t with me, or ask her about her life or her past, she’d grow distant, and that scared me. So I stopped asking. I just wanted her there with me. But not asking didn’t stop her from leaving me, and when she disappeared for nine months, I was heartbroken. Her showing up on my doorstep pregnant was like winning the lottery. I thought she’d stay, Ari. If not for me, then for you. But as soon as you were born, she just disappeared. Little whispers in my head told me I should get a paternity test, make sure you were mine, but I was terrified… terrified you weren’t. And I really wanted you to be mine. I really wanted to have a piece of Sala.” He glanced up at her, tears shimmering in his eyes and Ari sucked in a watery breath, feeling her own eyes sting with unshed pain. “I really do love you, kid. I guess I just never loved you enough.”
It was like a knife in the gut. Or a bullet in the heart. Or an arrow in the chest. Something sharp. Something painful. So agonizing. Ari couldn’t breathe from the impact of his words.
Seeing how destructive his words had been, a tear slipped down Derek’s cheek. “Sweetheart, I never meant to hurt you, but you know I’ve been a shitty father. It was fine when you were a kid, but you started getting older and you started looking more and more like her and it was hard… hard to be around you. I’ve always been alone, Ari. I don’t know anything else. I was never meant for anything else. It was selfish to keep you.”
She sobbed quietly; the tears spilling down her cheeks in fast twin rivers.
“I wish I was a better father and a better man. I wish I loved you how you deserve to be loved. But I’ve been angry for years, Ari. And it wasn’t until I discovered the truth about you and Sala that I realized how angry I am at your mother.”
She clutched her stomach, not sure she wanted to hear anymore. “Dad, please…”
“I wish a lot of things, Ari. And I regret them all too. But discovering the impossible truth, that these beings are real — who you are, what they want from you... It took me a while to get my head around it but,” he paused, taking a breath, “What I’m trying to say is — despite it all, despite my shitty attempts — I will never regret keeping you safe, even if I didn’t know that’s what I was doing.”