“Was she right?” he asked hoarsely.
“Yes, and no. I didn’t react. I didn’t react because by then I was kind of numb to you hurting me.”
The color leached from Charlie’s face and he stood up, seeming not sure if he should reach for her. In the end, he stopped inches from her, scanning her face as if desperately searching for something. Forgiveness? Ari inhaled the scent that was all Charlie, his fragrance setting off sparks to her memories. To the pain of being in love with someone as selfishly messed up as he had been. Correction — as he was.
“How screwed up must I be, Charlie? To let someone hurt me over and over and not even see that what he was doing to me was wrong?”
“I told you I was trying to protect you, to keep you away from me. I didn’t want you pulled under with me.”
“But you didn’t let me go!” she cried, all the frustration and sorrow bubbling out of her. “You pushed me away with one hand and pulled me back in with the other.”
For a minute he looked like he might argue and then he shook his head, his expression desperate. “I… I know.” He reached for her now, his hand trailing up her bare arm, sending shivers cascading down her spine. “It was selfish and it was cruel. But I love you, Ari. I wanted to protect you, but I was too selfish to let you go. I kept hoping one day I would be okay, that I’d be okay for you. I didn’t want to wake up on that day and discover you were gone.”
Those were words Ari had wanted to hear for two years.
And they were two years too late.
She stepped out of his reach, hating that her heart could still want him when her mind had decided otherwise. “And now? What’s your excuse now, Charlie? I told you I didn’t want you to be a part of this twisted world and you strolled right up to it and handed your soul over for it!”
His face clouded with anger and he crossed his arms over his chest, seeming taller somehow, more intimidating, unmoving. “That’s nothing to do with us.”
“It has everything to do with us. You know I didn’t want this. I wanted out, but you tied yourself to it. If you really wanted me, why would you tie yourself to a world that's brought me nothing but pain?”
“I—”
“Don’t bother. I already know the answer.” She shook her head, trying not to let the ice crack, to let the pain of him not loving her enough, do any more damage. “You want your revenge more than you’ll ever want me.”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head furiously. “Not—” he cut off, his expression determined seconds before he curled a hand around her nape and pulled her roughly against him, his mouth claiming hers in a kiss so deep she literally felt her knees buckle. Disorientated and confused, Ari’s body melted into his kiss. She clung to him, his heart pounding beneath her palm. He tightened his grip on her when she unconsciously kissed him back, pressing her flush to his hard chest, one hand cradling her head, the other gripping her hip. He groaned as Ari’s tongue flicked against his, responding to the ever deepening kiss. Every piece of her felt tight and overwhelmed, shaken and weak.
I’m not weak!
Ari made a startled noise as she realized what she was allowing to happen. Again! She shoved him away with all her might, her jinn energy sparking in her fingertips, ready to use against him if need be.
Charlie staggered back, his chest rising and falling hard as he tried to catch his breath. “Don’t tell me I don’t want you.”
Ari’s eyes widened ever so slightly at the vehemence in his words, but she shook her head determinedly. “I didn’t say you didn’t want me. I said you didn’t want me more than you want revenge.”
“You and it are two completely separate things. I don’t even… you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.”
“No. You did that for me when you became a sorcerer.”
“So what… that means…?” He shook his head, anger etching back into his features, along with panic. “You… we’re really not…?”
Ari shook her head, her heart pounding as she readied herself to say something she couldn’t take back; something she didn’t want to take back. “I don’t want to be with you, Charlie. I love you, but I think the boy I was in love with died a long time ago.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You can’t just switch it off.”
“I’m not switching anything off. You’ve done too much damage.” Her eyes filled with tears as all her old insecurities flooded back, compounded by her dad’s last words. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, I don’t. I’m just saying that romantically, I could never trust you with my feelings.”