He looked up to see the anger had drained from Rayne’s features and his shoulders were slumped in defeat. “In public, you don’t. When you speak, you are always King Caelan, and the king cannot allow his feelings to lead his decisions. Everything must be decided based on the question of what is best for the kingdom.”
A large hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed. Caelan found Eno standing directly over him. “And when the day is over and you’re alone, you can be Cael for a while. You can rage at the unfairness of this world and mourn all that you have lost in the name of protecting your people.”
“I’ve become my mother,” he mumbled. “I get it now. She never loved me because she couldn’t afford to. She likely thought she’d have to sacrifice me for the good of the kingdom.”
Adrian snorted from his post at the door. “But instead, she found a way to send you out of the kingdom, protecting you as well as giving all of Thia hope.”
Caelan glared at him, but Rayne stepped between them. “He’s right. She found a way to achieve what she needed—namely protecting the godstones and Thia—while getting what she wanted most in the world.”
“Fuck, Rayne!” Caelan moaned. He dropped his head into his hands and tangled his fingers into his hair, tugging so that a different pain was lancing through him. “I don’t know what I’m doing. After the slaughter of the night raid, nearly losing you and Eno, then seeing Drayce…”
It was as though he’d stepped into a swamp. Every time he attempted to push forward, he was dragged even deeper into the muck and mire. He couldn’t breathe. The more he fought it, the more he lost.
“Masaru set you up. He played you,” Rayne said with a dark finality. “Maybe not necessarily with your emotional reaction to the night raid, but definitely with having Drayce on display in that audience chamber.”
Caelan’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Your emotional attachment to Drayce is far too easy to read. He knew it was a button he could push.” Rayne paced a short distance away, rubbing his jaw in thought. As he turned back, he sighed. “The problem is that he underestimated exactly how emotional you’d be. You threatened him, so he threatened in return. You pushed each other into corners until neither had room to maneuver. War is the only option you’ve left each other, whether it’s what you wanted or not.”
“I’m sure those fucking gods in your head weren’t helping either,” Eno growled.
Caelan bit his tongue. For once, the gods hadn’t needed to goad him into anything stupid. He’d felt the anger rolling off Kaes and Tula, but he couldn’t remember them whispering anything specific to him. He’d been lost in his own maelstrom of rage.
He narrowed his eyes on Rayne. “Am I really supposed to be a king who leaves behind someone who protected me? This isn’t right.”
Rayne frowned. “King Caelan cannot risk starting a war with the Isle of Stone because he doesn’t respect their culture and customs. You might view Drayce as an Erya citizen, but he came here to face his punishment. He also hasn’t begged for your protection. He’s willing to submit to the clan leader’s judgment.” He paused and gave Adrian a very pointed look. “That being said, it would not be Erya’s problem if Drayce were to suddenly disappear from his jail cell…”
Adrian chuckled low and dark. “I knew there was a reason you brought me along on this little adventure. Other than for my handsome good looks and skill with a sword, that is.”
Caelan glanced from Rayne to Adrian and then even over to Eno, who was rolling his eyes. What the fuck was going on? What was he missing?
“I don’t understand. What reason? What’s the real reason for selecting Adrian to guard me?”
“Prior to joining the Royal Guard, Adrian Westergren had a very accomplished career outside more legal avenues that I thought might come in handy when it came to dealing with the dragons and saving Drayce, if he needed it,” Rayne carefully said.
Adrian bent at the waist, leaning toward Caelan with a wicked smirk. “Your advisor is adorable. What he’s saying is that I was a thief.” Adrian straightened and buffed his nails on his shirt. “A damn good one too. There is nowhere I can’t sneak into or out of.” He shifted his attention over to Rayne, his smile dying away. “Though I’ve never tried to sneak a person out of a place. Just things.”
Rayne’s answering smile became tight. “Well, if you knock Drayce out, he becomes a thing for you to manage, right?”
Questions rushed through his brain. When he’d poked around in Adrian’s mind after he’d been assigned to Caelan, he’d not seen any of this. How had he missed it? Of course, he’d not searched too deep after finding the man’s loyalty and fondness of Drayce. His years as a thief must have come much earlier in his life.