All the men in the room gave various reactions, but Mikey’s giggle was the most obnoxious. “Straight guys don’t let you rub them off, Jules. They shove you away.”
“Parker would never shove me away,” I huffed. “He’s too nice. He cares about me too much to hurt my feelings.”
“But I think that’s Tiller’s point. Wouldn’t Parker have thought about that before he let anything happen?” Truman finished eating something wrapped in bacon before sliding the tray my way. “I don’t understand why you two don’t just get together. You love him. He’s said a million times he loves you. Why not try?”
I buried my face in my hands. It’s not that easy, I wanted to say.
Tiller answered for me. “They have a lot of history. They’ve been best friends for a very long time, and I get why Julian’s scared that changing things would mess that up.”
Truman thought about it for a minute. “But isn’t it already messed up?”
Mikey nudged the plate of appetizers closer to me until I took one and popped it in my mouth. The salty flavor of the bacon reminded me of the BLTs we’d had for lunch. I tried not to let the thought get me down. There had to be a global rule about not crying when eating bacon.
Tiller continued. “When Parker was six, he didn’t have anything to eat for lunch and was too embarrassed to ask for a free school sandwich. Julian figured it out and passed him half of his own sandwich.”
“It was peanut butter crackers,” I muttered, reaching for another bite. Inside the bacon were water chestnuts, and they were surprisingly addictive.
Tiller ignored me. “It happened more than once, so they ended up sitting together at lunch and becoming friends. Then one day when a couple of guys were bullying Jules, Parker defended him and got into trouble with the school and his parents.”
I remembered the red welt on Parker’s arm from where one guy had clipped him with a backpack strap while swinging it wildly at him.
“Julian’s parents were so grateful there was someone bigger to help defend Jules that they encouraged Jules to invite Parker over to the house to have pizza and play video games.”
I lifted my head up and met his eyes. “You’re leaving out the part where you came over to play games, too.”
Tiller shook his head. “Not that time. I didn’t start coming over until fifth grade. When Harbo Morris asked me to find out whether Hazel liked him or not.”
I let out a snort. “That’s a name from the past.”
“Anyway,” Tiller continued. “By then, you two were thick as thieves, did everything together, and practically lived in each other’s pockets.”
It was true. But we’d still welcomed Tiller into our crew and then Erin a year later when she and Hazel became tight.
Sam interrupted. “Your parents love him. Tiller says they treat him like a second son.”
I scraped my upper lip with my teeth. “They learned pretty quickly that his own parents were shit.”
Tiller reached over to squeeze my shoulder. “Total shit. They weren’t even poor, is the thing. Just incredibly, horribly neglectful. They both had jobs that took precedence over Parker’s welfare. But instead of hiring someone else to care for him in their place, they simply forgot about him.”
I slumped again with my chin on my hand. “That’s putting it mildly.”
Tiller glanced at Mikey. “It’s one of the reasons I wanted to retire sooner rather than later. I don’t want to focus on my career to the detriment of my family and personal happiness.”
Mikey’s smile was so tender and affectionate, it made my chest tighten. I wanted that. I’d always wanted it. But the problem was… I’d always wanted it with one specific person.
And he was off-limits. At least… he always had been. If Parker was no longer off-limits, what did that mean for our future?
Tiller was still talking. “Then Jules was in a really bad car accident after college, and you would have thought Parker’s heart was being torn out of his chest. I will never forget the sound he made when he got that phone call.” He shuddered. “To this day, Parker is insane about drunk driving.”
I’d never heard this before. “He made a sound?”
“He made us swear never to tell you, but it’s been long enough now it probably doesn’t matter,” Tiller continued.
It mattered. It mattered to me a great deal. “I knew he was upset…”
Tiller rubbed his chin. “Jules… he was… he was traumatized. When the doctor told him you were in critical condition, the blood drained from his face so quickly, I thought he was going to pass out. When he got off the phone, he made a sound that made the hairs stick up all over my body. I thought for sure someone had died. Then he bolted.” He let out a humorless laugh. “He was barefoot. We had to run after him and drag him back in. We’d been kicking back drinking a few beers and playing video games when the call came in. I was in town during the off-season, so we’d all gotten together a few nights in a row.”