A few hours later, I tossed in my bed, unable to fall asleep. The image of Madison was stamped into my mind. I shifted uncomfortably. My iPad felt like it had burned a hole into my upper thighs. I’d been watching movie after movie, which usually helped lull me to sleep. But not tonight.
A knock sounded from the door. I pulled my earbuds out and turned off the screen. Holly had turned her back to me and was breathing evenly. She always dozed off at exactly 11 p.m. You could set a timer by her.
I tiptoed toward the door, shivering as the cold from the tiled floor seeped into my bare feet, and quietly pried it open.
Alec stood waiting in the corridor. He held up a DVD. The jacket showed a warped, scarred face partly covered with an ax. “Want to watch the newest horror shocker?”
I glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight.
“We haven’t done a movie night in weeks,” he added.
Yeah, more like months.
“That’s not my fault,” I said, a heavy silence descending on us. Kate had destroyed movie night—what had been Alec’s and my tradition since I’d joined the FEA. She was jealous. Alec definitely hadn’t given her reason to be. He still saw me as the fifteen-year-old girl he’d first met three years ago. He’d only started movie night out of pity anyway, but we’d quickly discovered that we had the same freaky taste in movies. Major had luckily never cared that Alec and I spent time together like that. FEA wasn’t a school after all, so Alec being my self-defense trainer didn’t really set the same boundaries it would have done in a school setting.
He lowered the DVD. “Is that a no?”
I snatched the DVD from his hand and brushed past him into the corridor. “You take care of the snacks. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Alec caught up with me in two sweeping steps. From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile. His hand brushed against my arm and I had to stop myself from grabbing hold of it. His touch always sent my body into high-alert, awakening every nerve-ending, making me wish for something that was never going to happen. Maybe I’d grow out of my crush one day, but not tonight.
A few minutes later, we settled onto the uber-comfy sofa in the common living area. It was deserted, silent except for the hum of the vending machine that sat in the far corner.
Alec put a bowl of gummy bears between us and propped his legs up on the table. He was wearing black jeans and a tight black T-shirt with Chucky the Killer Doll printed on the front. I’d given it to him shortly after moving in with the FEA. He’d worn it often—until Kate. She preferred him in boring, collared button-downs.
Alec kept glancing over at me, his eyes arresting me every time. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You know, if you don’t feel ready for the mission, I’m sure Major would understand.”
I laughed. “Are we talking about the same person?”
Alec’s expression became fierce. “He can’t force you to do something you’re not ready for. I’ll talk to him.”
“No.” I touched his arm. “It’ll be okay. I can do this.”
He didn’t seem convinced.
I started the movie and a scream ripped through the silence as the ax murderer killed his first victim. Keeping an eye on the screen, I sorted the gummy bears, piling the green and white ones in a heap on my thighs and leaving the others for Alec.
“You always do that, you know,” Alec said.
I swallowed a gummy bear. “Do what?”
“Bite their heads off first.”
I shrugged. “It’s the nice thing to do. If you could choose, would you rather be eaten alive starting at your feet or would you want it to be over quickly?”
“Well, if it was up to me, I’d rather not be eaten at all.” Slowly, a grin crept over his face. It was a look I hadn’t seen in a while. Lately, he’d been so serious all the time. His moods had almost matched Major’s. Ever since he and Kate had been sent out into the field a few months ago—the mission from which they’d returned as a couple—Alec had been changing. Every day I felt him slipping away from me, our friendship crumbling before my eyes. But I had no idea what transpired between then and now, as neither he nor Kate ever spoke a word about the mission—Major’s orders.
“You’re weird, you know that, right?” he said.
I poked his chest. The muscles felt like steel under my fingertip. I filed the sensation away for later use during my fantasies.
He snagged my hand, his thumb and forefinger curling around my wrist. His other hand shot forward and began tickling my side. A mix of laughter and screeching tumbled from my lips as I tried to wriggle out of his grip, but with his strength it was useless. I pulled my legs up to my chest and tried to push Alec off with them. Suddenly, he leaned over me, his face mere inches from mine. I stopped struggling, for a moment even stopped breathing. He was so close. If I moved my head forward, our lips would touch. His breath fanned over my face, his eyes darting to my mouth. Time stretched between us, our gazes locked. Was there desire in his eyes? Sometimes it was difficult to distinguish between what I wanted and what was real. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted nothing more, but then he settled back against the cushions, as far from me as possible. My cheeks burned as I returned my attention to the screen, just in time to see someone get beheaded by an ax. Figures. That’s just how I felt.