I pushed away from him. "You know, you're not very good at this comforting stuff."
"You said no games. Isn't a lie the same as playing a game?"
I frowned at him. "I did not have sex with Nathaniel."
"Come, ma petite, you did not have intercourse, but to say you did not have sex is splitting the hair a little too fine, no?"
I glared at him and tried to be angry, but there was something closer to panic than anger making my heart beat faster. "Are you saying that what we just did qualifies as sex?"
"Are you saying that it did not?"
I turned so I couldn't see his face, hugging my arms around myself. I finally turned back to look at him. I tried leaning against the wall, but the tiles were cold and I was still naked. I needed my clothes, but they were out in the other room, and I was so not ready to see the other men again.
"So you're saying that we had sex--all of us?"
He took a deep breath. "What answer do you want, ma petite?"
"Truth would be nice."
"No, you do not want the truth. I thought that you did, or I would have taken better care about what I said." He looked tired. "I am glad you are the woman that you are, but there are moments when I wish that you could simply enjoy something without being chased around the room by your guilt and your morals afterwards. What we did tonight is a glorious thing. A thing to be shared and treasured, not something to be ashamed of."
"I was doing better with it before you told me it counts as sex."
"And the fact that I had to tell you that it counts as sex means you are still lying to yourself more than I have ever tried to lie to you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He held up a hand. "I will say no more about this. You do not want the truth, and you told me not to lie. I am out of options."
I hugged myself and frowned at the floor. I tried to wrap my mind around what he'd said, what we'd done, and I just couldn't do it. We needed a change of topic, fast.
"Jason acted like a power substitute for Richard," I said.
"Oui." He let me change the subject without a word or a change in expression.
"I didn't know we could do that."
"Nor did I." He took those few gliding steps that put him beside me again. "If it is comfort that you want, more than truth, then I can do that." He touched my chin, raised my face so that our gazes met. "But you must tell me when you do not want the truth, ma petite. It is usually your greatest demand on me."
I stared up into his beautiful face and understood what he was offering-- comfort, but not honesty. Comforting lies, because I didn't want to hear the truth. "I don't want you to lie to me, but I'm about at my limit for hard truths for the day. I need a breather."
"You want a space of calm to think about everything. I understand that. I can even give it to you for a few hours, but you have to confront Richard at the lupanar tonight, and I fear that more hard truths await you there."
I put my face against his chest, cuddled into the smoothness of his skin, caught between the furred lapels. "Your bringing up Richard isn't going to make me feel better."
"My apologies." He was rubbing my back with his hands, over and over. The movement made the fur on the sleeves rub up and down my body, from my butt to my shoulders. It was soothing and not soothing at the same time. I looked up at him and didn't know whether to cry or scream. "I thought I fed the ardeur."
His hands went still against my body. "You have, and you have fed it well, but it is always just below the surface. Like being full but still admiring a beautifully made dessert."
I didn't really like the analogy, but couldn't think of a better one. I pressed my body into his robe, let him cradle me against his body, and listened to the comforting beat of his heart.
I spoke with my face pressed against his chest, the black furred edge of the lapels tickling my lips. "Why didn't you warn me that she could do that?"
"If you were a vampire of my line, then I would have warned you, but you not vampire, you are human, and it should not work that way for you."
I leaned back enough to see his face. "Can she enter any of her ... children?"
"No, her ability to look in upon her children only lasts for a few nights. Once the new vampire is strong enough to control its own hunger, then she is unable to enter, as if some door closes that was held open before."
"She called my beast, or beasts, or whatever the hell is going on with me. She called it to the surface like she knew what she was doing."
"Her animal to call is all great cats."
"So, leopards," I said.
He nodded. "Among other things."
"I thought only the Master of Beasts could call more than one animal."
"It was the ability he came with from almost the beginning, but many of the oldest grow into a variety of powers. She began, as I understand it, able to call only leopards, then one by one the other great cats answered to her."
"If I really am a wereleopard, will she be able to control me--if she meets me?"
"You cast her out, ma petite. You can answer your own question, can you not?"
"You're saying I kicked her butt once, I can do it again."
"Something like that, oui."
I pushed away from him, my fingers trailing down his arms under the heavy robe until our hands touched. "Trust me, Jean-Claude, one victory doesn't guarantee you'll win the war."
"This was not a small victory, ma petite. Never in all her two thousand years of life has any of her line defied her as you just did." He'd bent at the waist just a little to kiss my hands, showing a long, thin triangle of his chest and upper stomach. My gaze followed that line of pale flesh down into the shadow that hid the rest of him. For once I didn't want to undo the robe. Part of it was that I was well ... satisfied, and part of it--most of it--was that I had just had sex with four men at once, and my discomfort level was just a little too high to think about any sex for a while.
"I knew that vampires could make the bite pleasant, but I never dreamed it felt like that," I said.
"It is one of Asher's gifts to make his bite orgasmic."
I looked at him.
He nodded. "Oui, ma petite, I can make it pleasant, but not that pleasant."
"Asher bit me once, and it wasn't orgasmic."
"He drew back when he realized he had rolled your mind without intending to. He ... behaved himself."
I raised my eyebrows at that. If tonight was the real thing, he'd more than behaved himself. "You fed off of it, too, and Belle Morte, as well."
"It was a feast, was it not?" And something in the way he said it made me blush. "I do not mean to embarrass you, ma petite, but it was glorious. I have not shared Asher's gift in over two hundred years. I had almost made myself forget what it was like."
"So you can't do this without Belle Morte."
"One of her gifts is to be a bridge, a connection, between her children. That allowed the sharing of gifts."
"I cast her out, Jean-Claude, it won't be happening again."
"And we are both thrilled. I do not think you understand the risk we all took, ma petite. If you had failed to cast her out, then she could have done things to us, even from such a distance. We are the only two of her line that ever left her side willingly. Some were exiled, but none simply left, and she is not a woman that takes rejection well."
That was an understatement. "She saw Asher through my eyes. I felt her regret that she'd let him go, that she hadn't seen him the way I did."
He turned his head to one side. "Then perhaps even a very old dog can learn new tricks."
I swallowed, and something about it made me very aware of the taste of blood and other things in my mouth. I had to get cleaned up.
I went to the sink and watched him in the mirror behind me. I'd known I was nude, but it wasn't until I saw myself in the mirror that I really noticed it. I'd managed to wipe most of the blood off my mouth with toilet paper, but it was still clinging to my chest and my neck. "I really need a robe of my own," I said.
"I would offer you mine," he said.
I shook my head, reaching for the toothbrush. Normally, I would have washed the blood off first, but I wanted that taste out of my mouth more. "You naked around me right now is not what I need."
"I will send ..." he hesitated, "Asher for a robe for you."
"You started to say Jason, didn't you?"
He looked at me in the mirror.
"I know he'll heal, but ... I could have really hurt him," I said.
"But you didn't, and that is what matters."
"Pretty to think so," I said.
He smiled, but not like he was happy. "I will send Asher for a robe."
"Great. Thank you."
I squeezed toothpaste onto the brush as he went for the door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "Normally you would owe your pomme de sangs some gift or show of gratitude for serving you."
"I think they've had all the gratitude they're getting from me for one day.
He laughed, and the sound rode over my body like a caress of silk. "Oh, yes, ma petite, and I think they would agree, but I tell you this for later. You must reward your pomme de sang for his, or her, services."
"Money wouldn't do it?" I asked.
The look on his face said he was truly insulted, outraged, in fact. "You have just shared something more intimate than most people will ever know with another being. They have given us a great gift this day, and they are not whores, Anita." My real name, I was in trouble. "They are pomme de sangs, think of them as beloved mistresses."
I frowned at him.
"Today the sharing of pleasure was reward enough, but you will need to feed the ardeur every day, and unless it is a feeding worthy of the thirst, more than once a day for a few weeks."
"What are you saying?" I asked.
"I am saying that it would be best if you chose a pomme de sang and kept him near you, for you do not truly know yet what your hunger is like. It may be a light thing, easily tended, or it may not."
"You're saying I'll need to do this every day?"
"Yes."
"Fuck."
He shook his head. "Was today so horrible, ma petite? Was the pleasure you gained so very small?"
"It's not that. It was glorious, and you know it. But we'll never be able to duplicate that, not without Belle Morte, and I don't want a return visit from her."
"Nor do I. But there are many things that can be done to feed, and when you have some control I will teach you to feed from a distance."
"When?"
"A few weeks."
"Shit." I turned back to the mirror, not looking at him. "How do I pick a pomme de sang?"
"I think you already have," he said.